When you're driving past a graveyard say: "Wow, people were just dying to get in there."
Death Jokes
A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "What, no soap?" Then he dies and she marries the barber.
If you cut off your head, you can't breathe.
You also can't breathe if you die.
So why isn't it debreathiation?
OMG guys, I finally did it. I made a head slicey boy. I have headless.
I won't ever forget my dad's last words: "OH GOD THE POLICE!!!"
What's the last thing that went through John F Kennedy's head?
A bullet.
I don't have much motivation for things, that's why I haven't yet killed myself, hehe.
I’ll never forget my grandpa's last words to me...
“Are you still holding the ladder??”
Why can’t you fool an aborted baby?
Because it wasn’t born yesterday...
Your grandma is pretty old; she'll die soon.
People need to stop taking life so seriously. After all, no one gets out alive!
Why did the skeleton not go to the ball? Because he had no body to go with.
If a person shoots a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful, or is it murder?
Where did Stephen Hawking go after he died?
FNAF Sister Location.
He's dead.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
Me nan.
A man with a gun and a sword walks into a bar, sees a girl, and falls in love with her.
Man: "Hey, you are one beautiful girl. Will you be my girlfriend?"
Girl: "No, because you have a gun and a sword."
Man: "But I am already in love with you."
And then the man leaves to get the girl flowers and candy.
The girl is glad that he has gone, until thirty minutes later, when he shows up again.
Man: "Here are some flowers for you, beautiful girl."
And the girl throws the flowers in his face, and then everyone in the bar laughs, even the bartender.
Man: "And here is some candy."
And the girl throws the candy in his face, and everyone in the bar laughs again, and some teenagers walking down the street see it as well, and then they start laughing too.
One of the teenagers says "Hahaha, that is so funny. Seeing a man give a girl candy, and the girl throwing it in his face to show him that she hates him."
Girl: "I hate you, ugly man!"
Man: "Bartender, can I get some candy for my girl?"
The bartender laughs when he hears that, and then he says "Are you crazy? We don't serve-"
And then the man shoots the bartender with his gun and stabs him with his sword. An old man walking down the street can't believe what he just saw, so he calls the police to arrest the man who killed the bartender.
999 Service Guy: "999, what's your emergency?"
Old man: "I just walked past a bar, and I saw a man shoot and stab the bartender. Can you please get the police to arrest him? Tell them he is the man with a gun and a sword in his bag."
999 Service Guy: "Okay, no worries."
1 Hour later, the first man tries to dance the tango with the girl, and the girl kicks him in the leg, and then he tries to kiss her, and she punches him in the face.
Guy sitting at a table in the bar: "That man is crazy. Trying to kiss a girl who hates him."
And the police show up.
First Policeman: "Which man has a gun and a sword in his bag?"
The girl points to the man and says "This man."
Second Policeman: "Let's arrest him."
Man: "No, wait! I can explain."
Third Policeman: "Get in the back of the car."
When the police get to the Police Station with the man, the first policeman says "You will stay in prison for 10 years."
One week later, the man breaks the bars and escapes prison.
The police see him and run after him.
Third Policeman: "Come back here!"
The man doesn't listen, and he keeps running, so the police shoot him and he dies.
And instead of saying rest in peace on his gravestone, it says rest in pieces.
I will always remember my grandpa's last words. "Shit, the ladder is falling!"
Why did the boy kill his girlfriend?
Because he had a crush on her.
