Death jokes
My uncle died in the 9/11 attacks. He was the best pilot I had ever met.
How are babies and the elderly similar?
They are both fun to throw out of moving cars.
Why didn't the skeleton go to prom?
He was dead. You fool. You fell for my trick. I'm very heartless.
Oh wait.
You fool!
I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."
An elderly man was happy to finally see his wife again and was packing. He told everyone about the trip.
"I will see her in one week!"
A week later, he died.
This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be DYING to get in there.
I was digging in my garden when I found a treasure chest full of gold. I was about to run inside and tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging in my garden.
What kind of bug lives in a graveyard?
A zom-BEE.
Why am I happy? I'm dead.
These jokes make me want to die.
where do suicide bombers go when they die? everywhere!
Why did Steven Hawkins die?
Because he got a virus.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His computer got a virus.
Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you ;)
Where did Johnny go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
Doctor: You don't have long to live. 10...
Patient: Ten what? Ten years, ten months?
Doctor: 9... 8... 7...
My mom asked me to stop making jokes about suicide.
I answered, "Don't worry... I'll stop soon."
You're walking on the street when you realize that you're in the road as you feel the horn dying away.
How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemetery has.
I comforted my friend about his wife's death, until I found out who did it.