Death jokes
If your wife dies of childbirth, can you press charges on the baby?
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Make him clap until his parents come back.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends on how hard you throw them. 😈😈
What's George Floyd's favorite color? Kneeon.
What’s one thing you can say at a funeral and during sex?
She was too young.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream?
Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Slit your wrists.
What did a skeleton say when he's alone?
"I'm so bonely..."
My teacher said, "Say welcome to our new student; he's an orphan." The teacher said, "Is anyone missing?" I said, "That kid's parents."
Welcome to David's Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!
Why can't you ever fool an aborted baby?
Because it wasn't born yesterday!
One day, there are friends having fun.
Hours later, one of the friends, Alice, wanted to leave and said, "Cya guys, I'm just gonna hang in the tree and have some fresh air."
And they all agree.
Hours go by, and the group of friends are ready to go home, but then they see a tree in the distance that looks like someone is hanging on the tree with a tight rope.
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.
My therapist said to try having a different outlook on life.
I agree. I should have a different outlook on life. Preferably from underground.
After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.
But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
My grief counselor died today. He did such a great job. I don't even care.
Beneath this monumental stone Lise, 80 pounds of skin and bone.
Why is it that when women decide to kill an unborn baby, it's a "CHOICE," but when I decide to drive my F-150 into a playground full of kids, it's called "MURDER"!
How do stars die? Usually a overdose in an airport.
Sleep, but make it forever.