Death jokes

Part 2: He walks up to a stake and nails himself there. Then he finds the knife and says to someone to find a cake to celebrate his death, but everybody came. That was the sign that nobody loved him, and that's how you know if people love you.

If Jeffy goes to an orphanage, he will die. How is he supposed to move?

Man: Oi, dude, why did you shoot the orphans!?

Other man: Because.

Man: Because why!?

Other man: Because who are they gonna tell? Their parents?

My granddad died in Auschwitz in WW2...

He fell from a tower.

What did death say during a helicopter crash?

KOBE!

Suicide is the way to get even with the bitch called probability.

Suicide: Turning one's biology into complex organic chemistry.

What hit the ground first, the feather or the depressed kid?

The feather, the rope was stopping the kid.

I used to be into necrophilia. Until that rotten cunt split on me...

Dad: You're adopted.

Son: Where are my real parents?

Dad: >:D They are dead, now come to their grave and sleep there.

I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what’s so sad?" and she said, "What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died?" I replied, "probably a bullet." She gasped and said, "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent’s heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."

Part 1: Two men were walking down the way when the third one came.

Part 2: Two men were walking down the way when the third one came.

Part 3: Two men were walking down the way when the third one came.

Part 4: Guess what... two men were walking down the way when the second one fell in the sewers and died... The first one was lonely.

Haha, dead.

Jim's car is swerving all over the road, so a cop pulls him over. "Step out of the car," says the cop. "I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test." "I can't," Jim responds. "You see, I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack." "Alright," says the cop, "then you're going to have to take a blood test." "Can't do that either," Jim responds. "I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death." "Ok," the cop answers, "then I will need a urine sample." "Sorry," says Jim, "I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low." "Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me." "Can't do that either," responds Jim. "Why not?" demanded the exasperated cop. "Well, because I'm drunk!"

I love necrophilia, but only if it's consensual!

You wanna hear a suicide joke? Nvm, it didn't make it.

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

More than five because my basement is still dark.

It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.

Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!

I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.

Are you a rope? Because I wanna hang with you.