Dead jokes
You're dumb, but that's not what she said.
How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!
What does Michael Jackson have in common with Kmart?
They're both dead...
Why doesn't Helen Keller's boyfriend like having sex with her?
'Cause she just lies there like she's dead.
What's better than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree? One dead baby nailed to ten!
If museums are full of dead things... Then why aren't there any memes inside them?
Why couldn't the rape victim run away?
Because she was dead.
What is scarier than a pile of dead babies?
The bottom one ate its way out!
It was raining sadly all day. My wife, my two daughters, and me were stuck in the house when wife’s mom and dad just died.
Wife: 😭😭😭I wish this never happened.
Mia, our first daughter: Mommy, it’s ok. I love whenever I see you🥰🥰
Abby, our second daughter: I love you all. Only if you guys die I won’t, but I love you when you're alive 😉😏
Me, husband: What kind of nonsense was that? You love us when we’re alive, but you don’t love us when we’re dead🤥😥😓
Everyone except Abby: Abby, this is serious. Mommy’s mother and father died. Mia says: Yes, your mom is sadly down right now, you made her more sad😡🤬. Dad says: *sniffs* Abby, I had made a discussion. I will take you to an orphanage. I am sorry 😣 when I am better and happy and I forgot what you said then we’ll get you back. Mom says:
This was not a joke. I just did this for Love 💕
They said I couldn't drive.
Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.
What’s bad about swinging a dead baby above your head?
Stopping it with the shovel!
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
What do you call a group of Emo kids?
Suicide Squad.
What jumps and never let's go?
An Emo kid.
I bet all Emos want to be like their biggest influencers some day.
Dead.
Why do Emos want to be the "Scene" these days?
The only thing I've "Scene" from them is their suicide rate climbing, it's starting to climb quicker than they did to get to the top of whatever they jumped off.
One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.
Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."
Murder: Wanna play a game?
Me: Ok (pulls out Xbox controller)
Did you know that graveyards are the most popular place in the world? Yeah, people are just DYING to get in there...
I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.
What's worse than finding one dead baby in a bin? Finding one dead baby in five bins.
I'm back and wearing dead whites who are killing whites from Eastern Europe on me. Shout out my boy russia and Ukraine, they all are evil just like USA and China and the rest of the west!
what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?
Panera dead.