Dead jokes

I snorted a line of coke off my 8-year-old sister’s tiny prepubescent vag. She just laid there and let me do it without complaining, probably because she was already dead.

What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?

I cried when I cut up the onions.

How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

More than three because the basement is still dark!

A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."

"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"

Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"

The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."

"What the FU***** SH**"

Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.

When you look exactly like your dead cousin and everybody thinks she faked her death.

FUCKING MENT

A mom cow's last words were to the mom cow's son. They were, "You are..." then died. The son thought that he was adopted, but then three years later, the mom cow rose from the dead and said to her son that she was going to say, "You were adorable." Then she died once more. Then two years later, she rose from the dead for the last time to say to her son, "And that's why we adopted you."

I fucked a Pokemon the other day. It is dead now.

What’s the difference between an emo kid and a dead pig?

Suicide squad.

What's worse than 2 dead babies in a trash bin? Two babies in one trash bin.

He got a paper cut and bled out.

Jace: Haha, I won, dude. You suck at Monopoly!

Timmy: Let's play another game. *GUNSHOT* I guess I won!

Jace: *SCREAMS IN PAIN*

Timmy: What? I thought we were playing Chutes and Ladders!

Are you dead? Because you look like my dog.

What do the movies The 6th Sense and Titanic have in common?

Icy dead people.

Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.

I asked an angel, "How did I die?"

"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."

What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a sack of dead babies? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

A guy runs into a bar and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”

The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”

The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”

The emo kid wanted a high five. I left him hanging, so did the tree.

What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?

Eight dead people.

Remember the big forehead kid who said, "Give me a knife, I'm going to kill myself" because of being bullied?

His head was too big to even exist, and that's why he's dead.

Lil’ Johnny be dead, you fools!