Dead jokes
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
Stephen Hawking's not dead, he is just in airplane mode.
What's the difference between three dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't own a Ferrari.
Man: Doctor, where are you taking me?
Doctor: To the morgue.
Man: But I’m not dead yet.
Doctor: Are we there yet?
What do you do when your cat's dead?
Play with the neighbor's pussy instead.
Karma is like rape.
What goes around comes around, like a dead rape victim in a whirlpool.
If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.
9/11 jokes are that deadly not even the towers could hold themselves up.
What does Vin Diesel eat for dinner?
Survival Guilt.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What's hard about walking through a bunch of dead babies?
My dick.
A young cowboy entered a seedy cafe in a small West Texas town.
He sat at the counter and spotted an elderly cowboy with his arms folded and his gaze fixed on a bowl of chili. After roughly 15 minutes of staring at it, the young cowboy boldly inquired, “If you’re not going to eat it, do you mind if I do?” Slowly turning his head toward the young wrangler, the older cowboy muttered, in his best cowboy voice, “Nah. Go ahead.”
The young cowboy eagerly reached over and slid the bowl over to his spot, spooning it in with glee. He was almost to the bottom when he noticed a rotten dead rat in the chili.
The sight was shocking, and he immediately upchucked the chili into the bowl. The old cowboy quietly said, “Yep, that’s as far as I got, too...”
What do dead babies and fruit have in common? Both can become smoothies with the help of a blender!
What do you call a man in the ground? A dead guy.
My girlfriend passed away recently.
At the funeral, everyone was shocked about it.
Still, even when dead, she is the best shag I've ever known.
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
Answer: cancer.
What do you call an African that is not hungry? Dead.
What do you call an orphan living with ghosts?
"Him and his dead family." :(
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued oh how I wish I was dead so that I no longer have to brood.
Death would be a reprieve as I would no longer have to be true, and I would no longer have to be around any of you.
What's the square root of your dead?
9/11.