Dead jokes
I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.
Jesus, that's sick.
What do you call an orphan's parents?
Dead meat.
Hey, how ya doin'?
Well I'm doin' just fine, I lied, I'm DEAD inside.
Don't tell me "it's gonna be alright," I've tried, but I can't fight like this.
Hey how ya doin', I'm tired but I'm trying to fight.
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
How do you try to shout at someone on the bottom of the ground?
"Hey, sir! Are you dead?"
What's the difference between three dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't own a Ferrari.
What does Vin Diesel eat for dinner?
Survival Guilt.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Stephen Hawking's not dead, he is just in airplane mode.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What's hard about walking through a bunch of dead babies?
My dick.
A young cowboy entered a seedy cafe in a small West Texas town.
He sat at the counter and spotted an elderly cowboy with his arms folded and his gaze fixed on a bowl of chili. After roughly 15 minutes of staring at it, the young cowboy boldly inquired, “If you’re not going to eat it, do you mind if I do?” Slowly turning his head toward the young wrangler, the older cowboy muttered, in his best cowboy voice, “Nah. Go ahead.”
The young cowboy eagerly reached over and slid the bowl over to his spot, spooning it in with glee. He was almost to the bottom when he noticed a rotten dead rat in the chili.
The sight was shocking, and he immediately upchucked the chili into the bowl. The old cowboy quietly said, “Yep, that’s as far as I got, too...”
What do dead babies and fruit have in common? Both can become smoothies with the help of a blender!
What do you call a man in the ground? A dead guy.
My girlfriend passed away recently.
At the funeral, everyone was shocked about it.
Still, even when dead, she is the best shag I've ever known.
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
Answer: cancer.
What's the square root of your dead?
9/11.
What do you call an orphan living with ghosts?
"Him and his dead family." :(
What do you call an African that is not hungry? Dead.
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued oh how I wish I was dead so that I no longer have to brood.
Death would be a reprieve as I would no longer have to be true, and I would no longer have to be around any of you.