Dead jokes

I like my women like I like my coffee: nice, fresh, and dead.

What goes pop pop sizzle sizzle?

Two dead babies in an acid bath.

Did you hear about the dead artist?

Too many strokes.

Twin Tower jokes are funny because they are dead.

You don't want to know why it takes so long to put a dead woman in a mass-produced coffin in a pre-buried grave dug by machinery that is then filled by mourners.

Orphan: I wish to be like Batman.

Genie: Your wish is granted.

Orphan goes home. His parents are dead.

I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa.

As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of sick fuck does that?

What's the difference between a million dollars and a million dead babies?

I don't have a million dollars laying around my house.

(Note: this joke is not one of the worst jokes ever because it is obscene or offensive; it’s just a bad joke.) Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because they’re dead.

One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.

Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."

What do you do when your cat's dead?

Play with the neighbor's pussy instead.

Karma is like rape.

What goes around comes around, like a dead rape victim in a whirlpool.

If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.

Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

What does Vin Diesel eat for dinner?

Survival Guilt.

Man: Doctor, where are you taking me?

Doctor: To the morgue.

Man: But I’m not dead yet.

Doctor: Are we there yet?

I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.

Jesus, that's sick.

God = what I hope to be.

Devil = what I can't accept.

I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.

Why can't Kobe go shopping?

He's dead.

What do you call an orphan's parents?

Dead meat.