Day jokes

One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."

His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."

Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"

I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"

Why do orphans only have 354 days?

'Cause they are missing Mothers and Fathers day!

One day, I was walking through a park when I realized it was crowded.

To this day, I still don't know who let the children out of my basement.

My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.

Good Morning, Sleepy-Head!

I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!

I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.

Hope everyone is having a good day! ❤️

Who needs Singles Day when you're single for the rest of your life!

One morning I saw three kids were bullying one other kid because they didn't have a dad...

Later that day the three same kids were walking toward an orphanage. :)

You look pretty today... April Fools!

I don’t see why people say that emo kids don’t like to hangout. I seen them hanging all day.

God, you’re having a good day?

Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.

Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.

Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!

"It's Sunday evening!"

"No. It's Monday eve."

My friend looks more red than Mr. Krabs.

It’s weird, I could’ve sworn I saw the silhouette of a belt hurling towards him the other day.

One person said you are much more beautiful than Cinderella. The next day, you're in court and Cinderella is the witness.

(P.S. she was born to be a drama queen.)

One day a teacher says: "What does a pig give us?"

A student says: "Bacon!"

The teacher says: "Good! Now, what does a chicken give us?"

A student says: "Eggs!"

The teacher says: "Good! Now, what does a fat cow give us?"

A student says: "Homework!"

The whole class laughs.

Quote Of The Day: Where there is no struggle, there is no strength.

Love you guys, and hope today was amazing!

Peace out! <3