Day jokes
I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
Yo mama is so fat that when she sits on the internet, it will take a day to send!
One day I met a blind guy and I said, "You should see Mt. Cheaha!"
I asked an orphan where his mom was. He started crying, so I said it again.
And well, that was my last day at the orphanage.
What country has been the hottest in recent years?
Sri Lanka, they had 3 bombs in a day!
One day I'm walking and I saw Josh B. He's sucking balls and Marco jump[s], and we got [an] earthquake, and I say, "Yamate."
What day does Venus like?
SATURNday.
Me and my friend's life story on a daily basis.
Girl (on thirteenth birthday): Ma, why did papa leave?
Mother: Well, it started exactly 1 year and 189 days ago...
Why are carpenters never horny after work?
Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things.
Joke: I went to a paraplegic strip club the other day, the place was crawling with pussy.
My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."
One day a man buys a rope to commit suicide, but his friend stops him.
They go to a school with lots of happy kids. The guy feels better after a mag.
There should be a "kick an orphan" day.
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
I told a cookie a joke the other day.
It just crumbled.
There was a guy called Manners, one called Poo, and one called Shut Up.
One day, Manners was on his way to pick up Poo from school. A police officer stopped Shut Up and said:
Police: "What’s you name?"
Shut Up: "Shut Up."
Police: "Where's your manners?!"
Shut Up: "Picking up Poo."
I got a new job at a trampoline park the other day. If I’m being honest, it’s got its ups and downs.
One day, I put a lady taffy on my ass.
The other day my computer crashed. Luckily, there were no injuries.