Day jokes

Some people say I'm rude, but I think I'm pretty nice because the other day I saw this kid crying on the road and I asked him where his parents were. I just love looking at an orphanage.

Why does Joe only have 264 days in his calendar?

Because he can't celebrate Father's Day.

What is the difference between an orphan and a mailman?

The mailman goes home at the end of the day.

Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.

Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!

I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.

Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?

Doctor: Ten.

Man: Weeks? Months? Days?

Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...

Yo mama is so fat that when she sits on the internet, it will take a day to send!

One day I met a blind guy and I said, "You should see Mt. Cheaha!"

I asked an orphan where his mom was. He started crying, so I said it again.

And well, that was my last day at the orphanage.

What country has been the hottest in recent years?

Sri Lanka, they had 3 bombs in a day!

One day I'm walking and I saw Josh B. He's sucking balls and Marco jump[s], and we got [an] earthquake, and I say, "Yamate."

What day does Venus like?

SATURNday.

Me and my friend's life story on a daily basis.

Girl (on thirteenth birthday): Ma, why did papa leave?

Mother: Well, it started exactly 1 year and 189 days ago...

Why are carpenters never horny after work?

Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things.

Joke: I went to a paraplegic strip club the other day, the place was crawling with pussy.

My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."

One day a man buys a rope to commit suicide, but his friend stops him.

They go to a school with lots of happy kids. The guy feels better after a mag.

There should be a "kick an orphan" day.

What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

I told a cookie a joke the other day.

It just crumbled.