Day jokes
Some people say I'm rude, but I think I'm pretty nice because the other day I saw this kid crying on the road and I asked him where his parents were. I just love looking at an orphanage.
I sold my vacuum the other day.
All I got was dust and my mom's wig.
Why does Joe only have 264 days in his calendar?
Because he can't celebrate Father's Day.
I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.
Give a man a plane ticket, and he’ll fly for a day.
Push a man from a plane, and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
One day, I put a lady taffy on my ass.
Me and my friend's life story on a daily basis.
When you're having a normal day at school, but then...
"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks"
Tony's wife got a divorce from Tony. She said she wanted to be an independent woman.
Days later, Tony's wife had an accident. Guess who's crawling back for help. 💀
One day I met a blind guy and I said, "You should see Mt. Cheaha!"
I asked an orphan where his mom was. He started crying, so I said it again.
And well, that was my last day at the orphanage.
What country has been the hottest in recent years?
Sri Lanka, they had 3 bombs in a day!
Why can an orphan never get picked up?
Because the white van did not come that day. HAHA BIG LOL
One day I'm walking and I saw Josh B. He's sucking balls and Marco jump[s], and we got [an] earthquake, and I say, "Yamate."
Yo mama is so fat that when she sits on the internet, it will take a day to send!
Girl (on thirteenth birthday): Ma, why did papa leave?
Mother: Well, it started exactly 1 year and 189 days ago...
What day does Venus like?
SATURNday.
I told a cookie a joke the other day.
It just crumbled.
There was a guy called Manners, one called Poo, and one called Shut Up.
One day, Manners was on his way to pick up Poo from school. A police officer stopped Shut Up and said:
Police: "What’s you name?"
Shut Up: "Shut Up."
Police: "Where's your manners?!"
Shut Up: "Picking up Poo."
I got a new job at a trampoline park the other day. If I’m being honest, it’s got its ups and downs.