Day jokes

So, one day a teacher asked, "How many of you have thought of committing suicide?" Half of the class raised their hand, but the teacher said, "Where are Jesse and John?"

Why was everybody so tired on April 1st? Because they just finished a March of 31 days!

The guy in the wheelchair at my gym can do so many pull-ups with the wheelchair on, but I said to him, "Don't skip leg day."

Here comes the airplane.

9/11 happens the next day.

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Thank you, -Connor

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."

Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

I chucked a lamp and a depressed kid, hoping it would brighten up his day.

Hey, are you suicide? 'Cause I dream of you every day! <3

I wish I was a toe because I want to be banged all day.

One day I threw a boomerang...

Now I live in constant fear.

My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"

I said: "Why?"

My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"

I said: "KNEW IT!"

A kid went and got a haircut. The day after, he went to school, and a friend says, "I like your cut." He replies, "Which one?"

ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG

Give me freedom. Give me fire. Give me contract, Or I retire.

Jog all day, Out of UCL now. FC Barcelona, I need you now.

Villarreal defenders, They surround me. Big submarines, All around me.

I get upset. Call my agent. I want money. I’m impatient.

"I'm sorry, Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."

I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

The udder day I drank milk.

It was udderly delicious!

Where does the resistor go after a long day?

It goes Ohm.

When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,

So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"

Why doesn't Jesus participate in Battle Raps?

All his comebacks take three days.

While fucking, my sister said, "Brother, you are so naughty! You fucked our elder aunt every day in the absence of my uncle and cousins and made her pregnant!" Little did she know, I fucked our mother every day in the absence of her, my father, and my elder brother and made my mom pregnant as well!