Day jokes

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/{[(Log date) -Month- -Year- -Day-] -Log Title- } "-Log Information- " End of Log

Thank you, -Connor

I wish I was a toe because I want to be banged all day.

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."

Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

Your hairline goes so far back that even God said, "I learned about it in my days."

Hey, are you suicide? 'Cause I dream of you every day! <3

I chucked a lamp and a depressed kid, hoping it would brighten up his day.

The udder day I drank milk.

It was udderly delicious!

Where does the resistor go after a long day?

It goes Ohm.

One day I threw a boomerang...

Now I live in constant fear.

My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"

I said: "Why?"

My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"

I said: "KNEW IT!"

The guy in the wheelchair at my gym can do so many pull-ups with the wheelchair on, but I said to him, "Don't skip leg day."

You know if you poo on the toilet at 11:59 PM...

Then at 12:01 AM, it's just the same shit, different day...

"I'm sorry, Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."

Why was everybody so tired on April 1st? Because they just finished a March of 31 days!

Went to see a psychic the other day.

I knocked on the door, and she said, "Who is it?"

So I turned around and left.

What's a chicken's deadliest day?

Friday.

A kid went and got a haircut. The day after, he went to school, and a friend says, "I like your cut." He replies, "Which one?"

ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG

Give me freedom. Give me fire. Give me contract, Or I retire.

Jog all day, Out of UCL now. FC Barcelona, I need you now.

Villarreal defenders, They surround me. Big submarines, All around me.

I get upset. Call my agent. I want money. I’m impatient.

Hey guys, how was your day?

If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.

I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.

So, one day a teacher asked, "How many of you have thought of committing suicide?" Half of the class raised their hand, but the teacher said, "Where are Jesse and John?"