Day jokes

I don't see why people these days choose their gender. There's only two, it's Nerf or nothing! (I'm just joking, I honestly don't care.)

Your hairline goes so far back that even God said, "I learned about it in my days."

Hey guys, how was your day?

If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.

I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.

Why was everybody so tired on April 1st? Because they just finished a March of 31 days!

One day I threw a boomerang...

Now I live in constant fear.

Went to see a psychic the other day.

I knocked on the door, and she said, "Who is it?"

So I turned around and left.

When the quiet kid tells you not to go to school the next day, but your mom makes you go anyway.

What's a chicken's deadliest day?

Friday.

I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

So, one day a teacher asked, "How many of you have thought of committing suicide?" Half of the class raised their hand, but the teacher said, "Where are Jesse and John?"

Where does the resistor go after a long day?

It goes Ohm.

The udder day I drank milk.

It was udderly delicious!

"Poor old fool," thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink.

The gentleman asked, "So how many have you caught today?"

The old man replied, "You're the eighth."

Why doesn't Jesus participate in Battle Raps?

All his comebacks take three days.

I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."

When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,

So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"

Scientists say a banana a day is great for the colon.

But you gotta eat it!

The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."

Quote of the day: It's never too late to be what you wished you were.

Hope y'all are having a great day! I just got back from a volleyball tournament that I had to be up at 5 AM for! We played three games and won the last one. We advanced and are playing a few more tomorrow. Wish me and my team good luck!

My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.

I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"

I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"