Day Jokes

I had a friend named Mari. Sadly she did drugs. So one day I go up to her and say “Mari-juana do this????” She later asked me to leave forever..... I don’t gnome why but... it CRACKed me up abit!!!

What did hitler get for his 6th birth day???

A KEWsy burger and an easy bake oven

So I was on a discord call the other day and one of my friends American buddies joined and we had a conversation.

Until they say: when did pounds change to quid.

And I said: 'they're the exact same thing.'

Then they said:

"but when did it happen?"

So I said:

"when did school change to shooting range?"

when its April fools day go to a orphan and say there parents should come back

Today was a really bad day. My mother-in-law was hit by a cab AND I lost my job as a cab driver!

I have cancer the doctor said I have 3 days to live but I was like fuck it and killed him the jury said I have life in prison I shouted yes he said thank you you saved my life

One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately it was light beer.

You: Finds a time clock that can change time

Your friend the next day: Hey, can borrow yo' house

You: No I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME

Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again

I can't believe I got fired at the calender factory. I mean... All I did was take a day off!

Me: Want to hear a joke? Friend: Sure Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me. Friend: What's funny about that? Me: Because the next day they disowned me.

A joker held the door open for me the other day. It was a nice gesture

someone at my school the other day said the whoever killed hittler was a hero. whos going to tell him?

wanna know something the orphan could never do

wish anyone a happy Mother’s Day or Father’s Day

Opposite day be like in doors

Figure : finally I can see

Eyes: Nnnnnoooo I'm blind. Figure I'm sorry i made fun if u all those other times pls don't make fu. Of me

Figure: ok eye promise eye won't.

Eyes: 😭

The man was dangling by a string! ... I was jealous the day he died

I was struggling on a math test when a girl in a wheelchair leaned over and said, "Hey, this is the easiest thing I've done all day. " I was triggered, so the next day when we were doing the pledge, I leaned over and said, "This is the easiest thing I've done all day."

9/11 also known as the day football stoped