Day jokes

I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

Hey guys, how was your day?

If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.

I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.

So, one day a teacher asked, "How many of you have thought of committing suicide?" Half of the class raised their hand, but the teacher said, "Where are Jesse and John?"

Where does the resistor go after a long day?

It goes Ohm.

The udder day I drank milk.

It was udderly delicious!

One day I threw a boomerang...

Now I live in constant fear.

When the quiet kid tells you not to go to school the next day, but your mom makes you go anyway.

Why was everybody so tired on April 1st? Because they just finished a March of 31 days!

What's a chicken's deadliest day?

Friday.

I wish I was a toe because I want to be banged all day.

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."

Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

This is the log reference. Use it to post your logs. Logs can be posted by Info Gatherers or Announcers.

/{[(Log date) -Month- -Year- -Day-] -Log Title- } "-Log Information- " End of Log

Thank you, -Connor

Hey, are you suicide? 'Cause I dream of you every day! <3

"Poor old fool," thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink.

The gentleman asked, "So how many have you caught today?"

The old man replied, "You're the eighth."

Scientists say a banana a day is great for the colon.

But you gotta eat it!

When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,

So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"

Why doesn't Jesus participate in Battle Raps?

All his comebacks take three days.

I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."

Quote of the day: It's never too late to be what you wished you were.

Hope y'all are having a great day! I just got back from a volleyball tournament that I had to be up at 5 AM for! We played three games and won the last one. We advanced and are playing a few more tomorrow. Wish me and my team good luck!

My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.

I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"

I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"