Day Jokes

(on thirteenth birthday) Girl: Ma, why did papa leave? Mother: Well, it started exactly 1 year and 189 days ago...

I am going to be a ghost for Halloween, I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least ide be dead.

One day a man buys a rope to suicide, but his friend stops him. They go to a school with lots of happy kids. The guy feels better after a mag.

What day does Venus like?

SATURNday

Joke: I went to a paraplegic strip club the other day, the place was crawling with pussy

What did the hermit crabs do on Mother's Day? They shellabrated their mommy.

Once when I was 6 I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree. Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl

What do moms want for Mother's Day? Replacement silverware.

Why are carpenters never horny after work? Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things

Why can an orphan never get picked up?

Because the white van did not come that day. HAHA BIG LOL

What is the difference from a orphan and a mailman The mailman goes home at the end of the day

One day I meet a blind guy and I said you should see Mt Cheaha

So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still cant cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still cant f*ck."

Some people say I'm rude but I think I'm pretty nice because the other day I seen this kid crying on the road and I asked him where his parents were I just love looking at an orphanage