One day I came to my mom and said, "MOM!!! I can make a butterfly!"
Mom: "No you can't..."
Me: *throws butter out the window* Me: "Look I made a butterfly!"
lol this isn't funny but I hope you liked it.
My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive. I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked "How is that supposed to work?". I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"
Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms, all bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.
The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons. The second kingdom was not so wealthy, and sent only 10 knights, each with 2 squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner. The third kingdom was very poor, and only sent one elderly knight with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight’s armor.
The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.
The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.
And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
I thought today was going to be a good day when I woke up this morning. But then I got to the store and they said they were out of rope.
What did an Orange day before going to work?
Back to the rind!
Laila has 69 boobs but that is 222 many. One day she went on 51st street to meet Dr.X who 8 all her boobs and now she's boobless :) - 6922251 x 8 = 55378008 put the calculator upside down.
One day, he started crying out of nowhere. Everyone started crying with him. There was a crying pandemic going around.
What's a cannibals favorite place? A day care
What did one cheese say to the other cheese?
"Hello, its a nice day, do you have any plans on what your going to do?"... The other cheese was taken back by his politeness and friendliness, they agreed to meet again, and were soon married and lived happily ever after. Let this tale of the two cheeses inspire you to be a better person.
The other day while I was going down on my grandma , I thought I tasted a little horse semen and I got to wondering if maybe that’s what killed her !!!!!
Kid says “are u a soldier”? Soldier says “mhm” kid says “i wanna be a soldier some day” soldier says “really”? The kid says “ye but, father says i don’t have the balls to be a soldier” “but he’s right ima FUCKING PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS!!!
He: I am 60 and I have to slog 12 hours a day to make a living. Do u call it life?
She: I am 28 and still a virgin, do u call it life?
What kind of ☆ will come out in the day time?🌞
A star fish!🐟🐠🐡🦐🦞🦀🦑🐙🦂
One day, i love u
I bought some sneakers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.
There was a family, the father's name was Mad, the mother is brain, the brother's name is nobody and the sister's name is everybody. One day, nobody killed everybody and the father ran to the police's office and screamed, ''NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODY!!!!!'' ''Sir, are you okay?'' The police asked. ''I said, NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODYYYYY!!!!!'' The father yelled even louder. ''Are you mad?'' The police asked. ''Yes because my name is Mad!'' The father exclaimed. ''Where's your brain?'' Asked the police. ''At home because my wife name is Brain.'' The father said. The police fell down due to the confusion.
The other day my Girlfriend asked me to hand her, the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.
Type this in your calculator: 5 days a week (type in 5), 6 different classes (type in 6), 7 hours a day (type in 7), x 2 semesters (type in 2), = flip the calculator over ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)
There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7 - When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the 'bright side' of it. She said "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome" 54 students died that day.
A boi found a magic vase and a genie came out and told hiM he had one wish the boy said I wanna be like Batman the genie said ok your wish is granted the boy Came home later that day and his parents were dead
