Day jokes

Oh my Prince, I've loved you ever since the day we met.

When I was caught in your net of love, sweet love... It's all above...

One day I went to smoke weed with some Mexicans, but they ran away when I asked if they had papers.

Is it just me, or are you the prettiest person I've seen today?

My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"

My dad went out with Nemo one day to the store. They still haven't come back.

Someone at my school the other day said that whoever killed Hitler was a hero. Who's going to tell him?

After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he’ll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest.

A kid had school today.

He was late every single day. He said in his mind, "I wish I can go to school again." What happened? It's obvious...... He died :)

Red sky at night, shepherd's delight.

Blue sky at night, day.

Hi guys, I'm back, and YES, two jokes/blogs in one day. I KNOW. I just have nothing to do!!! So today I'm going to tell you how to get what you want from your parents!!! And there will be a joke at the end too. Enjoy!

So the prank that I have for you guys today is, make sure you have glue, dye, and a toothbrush that is not yours >:) So you are going to put the dye in the glue and then put the glue on the toothbrush and give it to your sibling and say, "Here. I got your toothbrush ready for you." Then, make sure they take it. Once they take it, run so that they cannot hit you once they taste it.

Thanks for reading this prank today guys!!! I hope it works out for you, and I can't wait to hear what happens with you guys in the comments below, so make sure to comment and tell me what happened when you pulled this prank!! Sorry, Prankster, if this is offensive to you since you do pranks too. I will not do them anymore if you don't want me to :) Thanks for reading guys, and here is that joke I told you about :)

Yo mama is so fat, when she got in the car, the wheels popped.

So I know this was not the best joke, and I can do better, but I will keep trying and see you guys next time! Bye!!! :)

One day, I was walking down the street, and then I saw something really funny, and then I ran, and I saw a boomer, but I don't really know what I'm talking about, lol.

Hi! This is a good prank I did! Okay, my sister has this crush and his name is Braylon. So, he texted my sister saying he wants to hang out with her, which I think means date. So anyway, I did this. My text said, "Hi Braylon, I can't hang out today... or the other day because I have homework, so please no hang out!" This is super wrong, but funny! Braylon texted back and said, "Fine, I can help." And I texted back and said, "Oh, will come here around 10:00." And my sister did not know he was coming... She was so embarrassed, she was still in her nightgown! HAHAHAH. O to the k, bye, that's the prankster!!!!

A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.

Hey guys, the prank for today is when I lied about feeling sick so I wouldn't have to go to school.

Introduction: This prank was committed a week ago! Around 5:00 a.m. in the morning!

1. I got out some eggs, milk, salt, and a little bit of mashed olives... well those are the main ingredients.

2. I mixed it all up for about 2 mins just to make it look really like barf...no going to school today!

3. I put it under the sofa just to give it some solid scent to it.

4. I fixed my breakfast eggs and bacon. Then when my mom comes down I...PULL OUT MY FAKE BARF!!!!! News flash make a fake excuse for her to leave! My excuse is "I need something its in my room I don't want to get cause it would waste time".

She fell for it. Then I pull out my FAKE barf which looks like real barf. Then you say or I said "Mom I don't feel so good"! News flash: Don't over sell it think about all that boring school work! and guess what she fell for it so I spend all day doing nothing...absolutely nothing!

Well that's the prank. Anymore pranks you want ask me in the comment section! Byeeeeeeeeeee

One day I told my wife that she drew her eyebrows too high.

She looked surprised.

My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day:

Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.

I had the WORST day ever. My ex was sent to the hospital from a gun, and I got my hunting license removed.

Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.

Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.

I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year? Because there is no Mother's or Father's Day.