Day jokes

Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”

Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.

“Correct,” says the teacher.

The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”

Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.

“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.

“Correct again,” says the teacher.

The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.

This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”

Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”

A boy walks into the bedroom and sees mom and dad having sex. The boy says, "What are you doing?"

"Baking a cake."

The next day he walked up to his mom doing dishes.

"Remember when you were making a cake? I LICKED UP ALL THE FROSTING."

One day a fh iufh uig8v cdy ufh pufvbf ufiu pofiu9fh fiv9fd and a ihefipuivbrivbvhbuirhvbifbvirvueuvgevuebvuerevheubyebubv8ub and a uhckebckjebicbevivhcbehvhbeuybvuebvubvbevcb and one uchercvievciouevihevc98f9p8r78797t587t987dbgioubriogbrihj and they all say we are hacks.

A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says: "I'm sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live."

The man says "10!? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?"

The doctor calmly replies "Nine".

Dad: I get to touch animals every day at the zoo.

Kid: Why?

Dad: I clean up animal s*** at the zoo.

My friend had a drink called Quick Start, so I said, "That's a quick start to the morning!"

A young boy enters a barber shop, and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.

"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied:

"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"

One day Johnae said, "What do you call a family outing?"

"Incest."

Low key Johnae fucks Kirby and Peach.

My mom said, "Take out the trash," and I said, "Okay." The next day she asked, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "In line to get crushed."

I saw an ISIS video and I got the theme stuck in my head. I was humming it the next day at work when my Arab co-worker said, "soon, my brother."

A woman comes to the doctor and tells her, "Doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?" The doctor says, "My number."

A 60 year old man said his wife called him a paedophile the other day, strong words for a 6 year old.

My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.

A girl named Rebecca was friends with a guy called Fi. One day, Fi hit Rebecca, and Rebecca lost service.

Rebecca said to Fi, "Why-Fi?"

One day a skeleton never worked. Everyone called him lazybones.

One day, a skeleton wasn't laughing. Someone asked him why he was not laughing. It turns out he fell and broke his bone, his funny bone that is.

One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.

One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"

The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"

His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were out on a hike. They had been going all day, so they decided to make camp and stay for the night. They both woke up at 3 A.M.

Holmes said, "Look up, Watson, what can you see?"

"Judging from the position of the stars, it looks like it's about 3 A.M."

"What else, Watson?"

"It looks like it will be a beautiful day tomorrow."

"What Else, Watson?"

"What am I supposed to see, Holmes?"

"Elementary my dear Watson, someone stole our tent!"

I’ve two dogs and two cats, and they are all Democrats. They want a handout everyday.

One day Little Johnny’s class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?” Little Mary says, “The teacher is very intelligent.” The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?” Little Suzie says, “They are very fashionable.” The teacher says, “Johnny, why don’t you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence.” Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy, ‘Darling, how does my dick taste?’”