Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
Some day, Canada will take over the world. -- And then we'll all be sorry.
Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll become a prince.
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?"
God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.
Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?
Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
Confucius say:
"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."
