Dating jokes

It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.

Are you my homework because I’m supposed to be doing you right now, but I’m not.

If she’s old enough to smoke, She’s old enough to choke.

If she’s old enough to pee, She’s old enough for me.

What do you call a person in a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile.

I once dated a math teacher. It turned out she was nothing but problems.

What’s the difference between a brick and redheads? Bricks get laid.

I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.

One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.

How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?

A: She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.

Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...

The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.

My gf/bf said: "I'm dating your uncle!" You cry and you look under your bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

"I work with animals," a guy says to his date.

"That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?"

"I'm a butcher," he replies.

I go out with enyaw, now she is just gay now.

I go out with enyaw, now she is just gay.

Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

Wanna play dolls?

I can be Ken, and you can be the box I come in.

How did the Emo ask the other Emo out?

"Wanna hang together?"

Roses are red, violets are blue. I have five fingers, two of them are for you.

I have to file a complaint against Spotify because I didn’t see you on my hot singles last week.