Dating jokes

What do you call a person in a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile.

I once dated a math teacher. It turned out she was nothing but problems.

What’s the difference between a brick and redheads? Bricks get laid.

I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.

Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...

The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.

Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?

A: She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.

Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

"I work with animals," a guy says to his date.

"That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?"

"I'm a butcher," he replies.

One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.

How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?

Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:

"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."

Ever heard of account stealing?

Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?

I go out with enyaw, now she is just gay now.

I go out with enyaw, now she is just gay.

For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.

But that’s just me in a nutshell.

If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.

This bitch won't message me anymore, what the fuck do I do? Why are bitches so sensitive?

Why can't I get a girlfriend?

Because I'm a beta male simp.

I broke up with my emo girlfriend yesterday, look who came crawling back!

I don't need a girlfriend, 'cause I got my cousin, bro.

Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."