Dating jokes
If I'm still single by Christmas, Santa won't be the only one jumping off a roof.
A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it's too long." Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."
Are you a raisin? Because you’re raisin' my dick.
Your mom was dating a boy that had a twin brother, but she did it with the wrong one.
What’s something you can say at a Christian summer camp and during a blind date?
"Good Lord, this is fun!"
I could never date a midget.
We would never see eye to eye.
There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans.
Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"
Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."
Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."
Guy: "About that..."
So, I went up to an Australian girl. She looked like she was 20, and I said, "Can I have your phone number, sweetheart?" She said, "696969." I said, "Oh, haha, okay." A few days later, her mother called me and said she's 15.
Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.
I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.
Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:
"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."
I like my women like a day: 24 year olds. 24 hours of fun.
"Tj and Prince, I really think we should stop doing this date night, date fight thing on this website because it's driving everyone crazy, and this is a joke website, not a dating website, so I say let's just take this to Facebook."
Where did the cows go to a date?
To the moo-vies!
I was sitting on my own in a restaurant when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”
Can all the hot, depressed, suicidal guys just text me so we can meet up and cry together about how depressed we are. For real.
Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.
Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?
When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”
"You're pretty, let me take you on a date!" Sike, I lied. You're ugly and fried. What you talking about?