Dating jokes
So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.
Her boyfriend said "Hi."
I said, "Knife to meet you!"
Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!
Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.
Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!
Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.
Karien: That is so boring!
Daiana: Well just work with me please?
Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!
It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.
Are you my homework because I’m supposed to be doing you right now, but I’m not.
If she’s old enough to smoke, She’s old enough to choke.
If she’s old enough to pee, She’s old enough for me.
What do you call a person in a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
I once dated a math teacher. It turned out she was nothing but problems.
What’s the difference between a brick and redheads? Bricks get laid.
I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.
If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.
This bitch won't message me anymore, what the fuck do I do? Why are bitches so sensitive?
Why can't I get a girlfriend?
Because I'm a beta male simp.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.
But that’s just me in a nutshell.
Hey selfish king, I see you need a girlfriend ;)
I go out with enyaw, now she is just gay now.
I go out with enyaw, now she is just gay.
Your hairline goes back so far, it dated Zeus.
When I see two lovers' names on a tree, I don’t find it cute or funny. I think, why would they be bringing a knife on a date?
Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 9.
I don't need a girlfriend, 'cause I got my cousin, bro.