Dating jokes

If she’s old enough to smoke, She’s old enough to choke.

If she’s old enough to pee, She’s old enough for me.

What do you call a person in a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile.

Are you my homework because I’m supposed to be doing you right now, but I’m not.

What’s the difference between a brick and redheads? Bricks get laid.

I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.

Ever heard of account stealing?

Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?

What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: "I don't use condoms; I use my drawbridge."

My gf/bf said: "I'm dating your uncle!" You cry and you look under your bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

Me: Breathe right now if you wanna date me.

Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

"I work with animals," a guy says to his date.

"That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?"

"I'm a butcher," he replies.

Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:

"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."

You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!

What do rocks and girls have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.

Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?

Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.

Man: Shit!

Wanna play dolls?

I can be Ken, and you can be the box I come in.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I have five fingers, two of them are for you.

I have to file a complaint against Spotify because I didn’t see you on my hot singles last week.

Your hairline goes back so far, it dated Zeus.

When I see two lovers' names on a tree, I don’t find it cute or funny. I think, why would they be bringing a knife on a date?