Dating jokes

I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."

"But why?" I replied.

"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.

"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.

My ex.

You guys wanna hear a joke?

My LOVE LIFE.

A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.

If your boyfriend doesn't get your fruit puns, you got to let that mango.

I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.

She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."

Michael has canceled his upcoming dates. They were Tommy, age 9, and Bobby, 11.

So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.

Her boyfriend said "Hi."

I said, "Knife to meet you!"

Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!

Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.

Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!

Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.

Karien: That is so boring!

Daiana: Well just work with me please?

Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!

Why did the strawberry 🍓 go out with a banana? Because it could not find a date.

It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.

Are you my homework because I’m supposed to be doing you right now, but I’m not.

What do you call a person in a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile.

What’s the difference between a brick and redheads? Bricks get laid.

I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.

What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: "I don't use condoms; I use my drawbridge."

When I see two lovers' names on a tree, I don’t find it cute or funny. I think, why would they be bringing a knife on a date?

Why can't I get a girlfriend?

Because I'm a beta male simp.

For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.

But that’s just me in a nutshell.

If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.