Dating jokes

Helen Keller once dated a brick wall.

Women be like men should pay for first dates, then get mad when you do...

Why do orphans make the best girlfriends?

Because they don't need permission from their parents.

What's the difference between a Ranga and a Brick?

A Brick can get laid.

An HDMI cable and an electrical outlet went on a date. It didn't go well, because they couldn't connect.

Why do Indian guys never have gfs? Because they always pick curry and biryani over girls.

My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.

I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."

"But why?" I replied.

"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.

"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.

My ex.

Michael has canceled his upcoming dates. They were Tommy, age 9, and Bobby, 11.

You guys wanna hear a joke?

My LOVE LIFE.

A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.

You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.

If your boyfriend doesn't get your fruit puns, you got to let that mango.

I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.

She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."

So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.

Her boyfriend said "Hi."

I said, "Knife to meet you!"

Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!

Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.

Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!

Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.

Karien: That is so boring!

Daiana: Well just work with me please?

Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!

It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.

Are you my homework because I’m supposed to be doing you right now, but I’m not.

If she’s old enough to smoke, She’s old enough to choke.

If she’s old enough to pee, She’s old enough for me.