Dating jokes

What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?

I don't have a girlfriend.

Gwen: Hi sir, how are you?

Tj: Good... you?

Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date? It seems like you need one 😉!

Tj: 😏.

Gwen: Here, this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend!

Tj: Thanks but um, don't you think you should be um getting inside too?

Gwen: 🙁 No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! 😁.

Tj: NO!!!!!!

1 day later.

Gwen: 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤰🤰🤰👩‍👧‍👦

Women be like men should pay for first dates, then get mad when you do...

"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" "At the butcher shop!"

Helen Keller once dated a brick wall.

Why do orphans make the best girlfriends?

Because they don't need permission from their parents.

What's the difference between a Ranga and a Brick?

A Brick can get laid.

What’s something you can say at a Christian summer camp and during a blind date?

"Good Lord, this is fun!"

My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.

Why do Indian guys never have gfs? Because they always pick curry and biryani over girls.

An HDMI cable and an electrical outlet went on a date. It didn't go well, because they couldn't connect.

I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."

"But why?" I replied.

"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.

"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.

My ex.

Michael has canceled his upcoming dates. They were Tommy, age 9, and Bobby, 11.

You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.

I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.

She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."

You guys wanna hear a joke?

My LOVE LIFE.

A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.

If your boyfriend doesn't get your fruit puns, you got to let that mango.

So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.

Her boyfriend said "Hi."

I said, "Knife to meet you!"