Dating jokes

Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 9.

I caught my wife this morning gazing at our marriage license of long ago that hangs upon our wall with tears in her eye!

Almost got teary eyed myself until she told me she was only looking for the expiration date!

At least someone who is gay/Carter has someone.

When I see two lovers' names on a tree, I don’t find it cute or funny. I think, why would they be bringing a knife on a date?

Your hairline goes back so far, it dated Zeus.

How can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives three fucking nights in a row.

What did the blonde say when someone says, "Your baby is so cute?"

"For the last time, I don't want to sign up my child for Tindergarten just yet!"

Hey selfish king, I see you need a girlfriend ;)

Hey, this is to orphans:

"Orphans are ugly. We need to know each other :D We need to date, cause ur hot and so am I and orphans rly are ugly!!!!"

Who wants to be my boyfriend?

Dating a girl and studying mathematics, both give a headache.

My gf/bf said: "I'm dating your uncle!" You cry and you look under your bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: "I don't use condoms; I use my drawbridge."

Me: Breathe right now if you wanna date me.

Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.

Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?

Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.

Man: Shit!

What dating app do people in Alabama use? Ancestry.com.

How did the Emo ask the other Emo out?

"Wanna hang together?"

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

What do rocks and girls have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I have five fingers, two of them are for you.