Dating jokes

What do rocks and girls have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

Me: Breathe right now if you wanna date me.

Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...

The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.

"I work with animals," a guy says to his date.

"That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?"

"I'm a butcher," he replies.

Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

My gf/bf said: "I'm dating your uncle!" You cry and you look under your bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:

"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."

Ever heard of account stealing?

Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?

If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.

This bitch won't message me anymore, what the fuck do I do? Why are bitches so sensitive?

Why can't I get a girlfriend?

Because I'm a beta male simp.

I go out with enyaw, now she is just gay now.

I go out with enyaw, now she is just gay.

Your hairline goes back so far, it dated Zeus.

When I see two lovers' names on a tree, I don’t find it cute or funny. I think, why would they be bringing a knife on a date?

What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: "I don't use condoms; I use my drawbridge."

Dating a girl and studying mathematics, both give a headache.

I caught my wife this morning gazing at our marriage license of long ago that hangs upon our wall with tears in her eye!

Almost got teary eyed myself until she told me she was only looking for the expiration date!

I don't need a girlfriend, 'cause I got my cousin, bro.

At least someone who is gay/Carter has someone.