Dating jokes

I go out with enyaw, now she is just gay.

For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.

But that’s just me in a nutshell.

If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.

This bitch won't message me anymore, what the fuck do I do? Why are bitches so sensitive?

Why can't I get a girlfriend?

Because I'm a beta male simp.

Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."

Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 9.

I don't need a girlfriend, 'cause I got my cousin, bro.

I caught my wife this morning gazing at our marriage license of long ago that hangs upon our wall with tears in her eye!

Almost got teary eyed myself until she told me she was only looking for the expiration date!

At least someone who is gay/Carter has someone.

I broke up with my emo girlfriend yesterday, look who came crawling back!

Hey selfish king, I see you need a girlfriend ;)

Dating a girl and studying mathematics, both give a headache.

One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.

How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?

Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?

A: She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.

How did the Emo ask the other Emo out?

"Wanna hang together?"

Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...

The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.

"My friend and her boyfriend were kissing until she puts her tongue down his throat, and what happens next is really weird."

The tongue gets stuck in his throat and starts to guh-guh-gughhh trying to get her tongue out of his throat, but it cumssssss out with spit all over his tongue, then they break up because he didn't want that to happen ever again...:/

What does a pirate say to his girlfriend?

I want your booty!

As a son, I set up a home date with my mom and my friend because I was going out of town. I set it up by telling my friend that my mom thinks he is cute, and I told my mom that my friend thinks that she is hot.

I came home the next day. I see in the living room my friend giving it to my mom doggy style. I ask what's going on. My mom said to me, "Meet your new daddy," then my friend said, "Hey son, get me a beer from the fridge."