Dating jokes
Some girls are like rocks.
You skip the flat ones.
Why can't I get a girlfriend?
Because I'm a beta male simp.
Oxygen and potassium went on a date. I heard it was OK.
Why do men give cold women their jackets?
No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.
What do you call a seven who's not feeling well? A sick seven
Where did Sally go after stepping onto the minefield? Everywhere
Getting a girlfriend is just like parking a car; usually all the good ones are taken, so you just gotta stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
What is a pedophile's favorite dating site?
Kinder
A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.
He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.
He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.
Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.
Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
A: She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
There is this cute Russian girl in my class, yet she hasn't asked me out for vodka.
I like my men like I like my whiskey: Irish and put in a barrel for 2 years with barely any oxygen.
I went on a walk last night with a really hot girl. Then she noticed me, and we went for a run.
Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u.
Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her).
Hi! This is a good prank I did! Okay, my sister has this crush and his name is Braylon. So, he texted my sister saying he wants to hang out with her, which I think means date. So anyway, I did this. My text said, "Hi Braylon, I can't hang out today... or the other day because I have homework, so please no hang out!" This is super wrong, but funny! Braylon texted back and said, "Fine, I can help." And I texted back and said, "Oh, will come here around 10:00." And my sister did not know he was coming... She was so embarrassed, she was still in her nightgown! HAHAHAH. O to the k, bye, that's the prankster!!!!
I encountered a milf at a bar last night. Although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy.
We were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time.
Then, she asked me flirtatiously,
"Have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"
I said, "Nope, not yet."
She drank a little more, and said, "Well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."
So she took me to her place.
She took out her keys, opens her door, turns on the light, and she yells towards upstairs,
"Mom, are you still awake?"
What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?
An expiration date.
Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.
Girl: "...I like you... do you like me back?"
Me: "Nope."
Girl: *is depressed* "Oh okay...."
Me: "You never said \"love\"".
Girl: "Oh! well do you love me?"
Me: "Frick no."
*on a date*
me - "I get to work with animals all day."
her - "How sweet! What do you do?"
me - "I'm a butcher."
My girlfriend is 19 and I'm 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant, but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed.
It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary.
What is the best Catholic dating app?
Grinder.