Dating jokes

My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.

Rizz.

Are you a dinosaur? Because I want to blow you up.

How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?

She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.

Yo mama so fat, when she went to a dating service, they ended up matching her up with Pittsburgh.

How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?

He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.

Why is it hard to break up with a Japanese girl?

Because you have to drop the bomb twice for her to get it.

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.

And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...

AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!

Look at a bag of black grapes. See how dark they are? That’s how I like my men.

25 at a time.

When Little Johnny was about 3, he got curious and stuck his hand up a mannequin's pants. His mom says, "No, Little Johnny, there are teeth up there that will bite off your hand." Little Johnny thinks, "Oh no, I can't do that again."

A few years later, he was 15 and he had a girlfriend, and they were making out. She says, "Why don't you ever stick your hand up my pants?" He says, "Oh no, my mom says there are teeth that will bite off my hand up there." She says, "No, there isn't, just look!" Little Johnny looks and says, "Well, no wonder there ain't no teeth. By the way, them gums look..."

"{[(Log date) 11 22 3] The Beginning} "This marks the first ever log of the Underground Fruit Association of n&c (ugfa). N, being code name for Nathaniel, and C, being code name for Connor. Our plan is to collect as many fruit cups as possible by the end of the year. This site will be a communication hub only and used for nothing else. We will plan and discuss courses of action, and collection." End of log"

A girl asked, "Can I have some nuts too?"

Boy: "Sure, what ones ;)"

Hi! This is a good prank I did! Okay, my sister has this crush and his name is Braylon. So, he texted my sister saying he wants to hang out with her, which I think means date. So anyway, I did this. My text said, "Hi Braylon, I can't hang out today... or the other day because I have homework, so please no hang out!" This is super wrong, but funny! Braylon texted back and said, "Fine, I can help." And I texted back and said, "Oh, will come here around 10:00." And my sister did not know he was coming... She was so embarrassed, she was still in her nightgown! HAHAHAH. O to the k, bye, that's the prankster!!!!

Where did the cow go on his first date? To the moovies.

What do you call a blind person on a date? A blind date.

I finally got a girlfriend.

Her name is Remington Model 32.

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

A: He wiped his ass.

Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.

Who needs dating apps when you have family reunions?

You'll never be lonely at cousinsonly.com.