Dating jokes

The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.

A girl and a boy were on a date. The boy kept farting. The girl asked, "What is wrong?!?". The boy replied, "Explosive diarrhea.". The girl said, "Ew".

The boy went to the bathroom, and the place exploded. The center of the explosion, the bathroom.

Guess how I'm getting laid tonight?

"I'm stronger than you."

What do you call mo on a dating website? Tissue face.

My girlfriend broke up with me today, but it’s ok.

She said we can still be cousins.

So, I met this girl and she was a 9 out of 10. I met this other girl who was 7 years old. The 7-year-old ate my 9 out of 10 girl because 7 was a psychopath.

Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.

She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.

If your boyfriend doesn't get your fruit puns, you got to let that mango.

A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it's too long." Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."

So I was sitting at a bar, right? That fucking waitress came again, and guess what? She brought the wrong drinks again. So I send her away to get the correct drinks. And she came back again, with the wrong drinks!! Obviously, she was retarded. Anyways that's the story about how I met your mother.

What do you call a person who tries to get you on a dating website... a Brodie.

What's the worst part of breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it.

My chance of finding love.

Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.

So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"

What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.

What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?

I don't have a girlfriend.

In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, "Girl, are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb."

Friend: My girls are like boomerangs; they always come back.

Me: Mine DON'T :(

Pickup line; Hey mama, you school? Cuz I'd like to shoot some kids up in you.