Date Jokes

Why won't my boyfriend eat my pie? His brother made it.

Why does the basketball never get a date?

Because they dribble.

Why are Black women dating white men?

So their kids don’t have to worry about not meeting their father.

Canada being the most educated country in the world is bemusing, considering that Canadians cannot spell "legalise" and "programme" correctly.

Oh, and most of them do not realise that it's day-month-year, NOT month-day-year.

Who needs dating apps when you have family reunions?

A Twitter post by PETA stating: "We'd rather date someone who fucks animals than someone who eats them." Below the text is an image of Tai Lung, a leopard from Kung Fu Panda, looking shocked or disturbed at a computer screen.

Q: Why was 10 afraid?

A: Because he was always between 9/11.

Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?

Because he didn't want to see the bill.

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because Oct 31 == Dec 25.

Which planet would I consider dating?

I don’t know, but not Saturn because she’s already got a ring on her.

Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?

Because he is always talking about his honey.

Why couldn't the skeleton go to the prom? Because he had no BODY to go with...

I could have said a skeleTON more jokes, but I think that might break your funny bone.

Is it weird that a milk carton has a date, and I don’t?

When you met her first before your parents met each other. (In the case of your mom dating her dad).

I'm 34 and I went on a date with my 19 year old girlfriend. I got heckled with "you're a paedophile!" and "you sick F...!" Completely ruined our 10th anniversary!

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"