Date Jokes

Canada being the most educated country in the world is bemusing, considering that Canadians cannot spell "legalise" and "programme" correctly.

Oh, and most of them do not realise that it's day-month-year, NOT month-day-year.

Who needs dating apps when you have family reunions?

Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?

Because he didn't want to see the bill.

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because Oct 31 == Dec 25.

Which planet would I consider dating?

I don’t know, but not Saturn because she’s already got a ring on her.

A Twitter post by PETA stating: "We'd rather date someone who fucks animals than someone who eats them." Below the text is an image of Tai Lung, a leopard from Kung Fu Panda, looking shocked or disturbed at a computer screen.

Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?

Because he is always talking about his honey.

Why couldn't the skeleton go to the prom? Because he had no BODY to go with...

I could have said a skeleTON more jokes, but I think that might break your funny bone.

Is it weird that a milk carton has a date, and I don’t?

When you met her first before your parents met each other. (In the case of your mom dating her dad).

I'm 34 and I went on a date with my 19 year old girlfriend. I got heckled with "you're a paedophile!" and "you sick F...!" Completely ruined our 10th anniversary!

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

Gwen: Hi sir, how are you?

Tj: Good... you?

Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date? It seems like you need one 😉!

Tj: 😏.

Gwen: Here, this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend!

Tj: Thanks but um, don't you think you should be um getting inside too?

Gwen: 🙁 No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! 😁.

Tj: NO!!!!!!

1 day later.

Gwen: 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤰🤰🤰👩‍👧‍👦

Women be like men should pay for first dates, then get mad when you do...

Helen Keller once dated a brick wall.

Why does Joe only have 264 days in his calendar?

Because he can't celebrate Father's Day.

An HDMI cable and an electrical outlet went on a date. It didn't go well, because they couldn't connect.

A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.