Date jokes

What do you call an emo dating another emo?

The suicide duo.

What happened to the woman who dated a rapist?

She was date raped.

Ever notice 9-1-1 (the number for the po-po) is the Great Date (9-11)... Hmmm.

I was in a bar in Italy. Me and a hot chick got along, so I asked her for her number. I remembered that there was a pen in my pocket, but when I searched, it was nowhere to be found. I turned back, then I saw Pessi running with it. Shame on you, Pessi, for ruining my night! 😭

These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.

Why do men sag their pants so low and still wear a belt?

The same reason women bring their purse on a date and don't pay.

Why was the number 10 scared? Because bro was stuck between 9/11.

Why is 4/20 such an epic date?

Because it's weed day, Columbine, AND Hitler's birthday;)

It was 9/10.

I ordered my sandwich at a restaurant on 9/11 spicy, it came out plain.

A girl is meeting this Muslim for a date, and she asks him, "So are you Indian?"

And the Muslim goes, "No, bitch, I ain't 7-Eleven, I'm 9/11!"

Would you rather date me or a lady?

I laid deez nuts in your mouth.

Why is it better to date an orphan?

Their parents are never home.

Roses are red, Violets are twisted, Come back to my place, You might get fisted.

This is not a joke. Stop online dating.

How do you know when you are dating a cannibal?

You go to the beach, he offers to put suntan oil on you, and the brand name is Wesson.

You are having sex and he says he wants to eat your a$$ and you notice he is holding a knife and fork.

He invites you to his home to use the hot tub and it is heated by a wood fire.

You are having an argument and you say "bite me" and he starts to sharpen his teeth.

POV: Wine Taster in hell.

I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"

The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.

"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."

"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."

Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."

Why was 10 scared because it was in the middle of 9/11?

Your mom was dating a boy that had a twin brother, but she did it with the wrong one.

Where does a cow take his date?

Answer: To the moooooovies!