Date Jokes

Why do men sag their pants so low and still wear a belt?

The same reason women bring their purse on a date and don't pay.

Would you rather date me or a lady?

I laid deez nuts in your mouth.

Why is it better to date an orphan?

Their parents are never home.

A girl is meeting this Muslim for a date, and she asks him, "So are you Indian?"

And the Muslim goes, "No, bitch, I ain't 7-Eleven, I'm 9/11!"

I ordered my sandwich at a restaurant on 9/11 spicy, it came out plain.

The image shows two panels of the same picture of an older man with a slight smile, sitting at a laptop and holding a mug. The first panel says "Me registering my friend on a gay dating site." The second says "Email already used."

It was 9/10.

Why was the number 10 scared? Because bro was stuck between 9/11.

Why is 4/20 such an epic date?

Because it's weed day, Columbine, AND Hitler's birthday;)

This is not a joke. Stop online dating.

Roses are red, Violets are twisted, Come back to my place, You might get fisted.

How do you know when you are dating a cannibal?

You go to the beach, he offers to put suntan oil on you, and the brand name is Wesson.

You are having sex and he says he wants to eat your a$$ and you notice he is holding a knife and fork.

He invites you to his home to use the hot tub and it is heated by a wood fire.

You are having an argument and you say "bite me" and he starts to sharpen his teeth.

POV: Wine Taster in hell.

I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"

The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.

"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."

"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."

Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."