Me and my girlfreind were walking in the woods, HER: I am Scared ME: What do you think I feel I have to walk back alone
My girl freind called me a cock sucker but HEY 20 dollars is 20 dollars
Joke: I went to a paraplegic strip club the other day, the place was crawling with pussy
Whats the similarity betweem christmas stuffing and my penis? I like them both inside dead animals. Because Alive animals feel top much like men.(and then I'd cum too quick)
I ate a baby, it tasted like baby
the only thing drier than these jokes are your mom.
What does a Mag and a Clip have incommon...... They are both good at School
Kid: Mum how do you know someone is drunk? Mum: See the four birds over there Kid: huh, wait a minute. Mum: A drunk person would see eight. Kid: Mum but there is only two.
What's the difference between the milkman and my dad? Nothing they are both 1 thing except he never returns with milk.
(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION)
Five out of six people agree that Russian Roulette is safe.
If certain diseases spreads in water, why does Africa have them?
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital Reload and keep shooting
Husband: Dammit alice! I'm your husband and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you! Wife: Go to hell Bob! I'm Leaving! Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
Two boys are wandering in the woods, playing games. Suddenly they come across a naked lady, and one of the boys starts running, the other chases after him and asks: "Why did you start running?". The boy replies with: "My mom said if I ever see a naked lady, then I would turn to stone. And I can already feel a part of me turning hard."
Teacher: Hey Timmy (the quiet kid) what comes after x The Quiet kid: splosion Teacher: What comes after A The Quiet kid: K-47 Teacher: faints
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you. But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night she’s back in bed
What is the most noise that comes out of a ladies mouth? Nothing because they never have anything important to say.
Why is the UK bad at chess?
Because they have no queen
