What's do u call a family picture for an orphan
What colour would the confetti be at a baby shower in 2025
Orange bc their having a they/them baby
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
Q: What's the difference between LeBron James and a priest?
A: The size of balls they play with
Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
I wrote an essay today about africa and I FAILED even though i wrote a perfect rendition of the hunger games storyline
A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy. The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!"
Do yall know the saying "Hang in there"? Well FUCK that because i might as well be hanging myself
Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick and I accidentally gave her the glue stick. She won't talk to me any more.
My friend: I want to cut myself. Me: No don’t do that. *hands lighter* do this instead.