I told a crippled guy he is immortal because he can't kick the bucket.
Dark Humor
A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.
"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.
"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."
The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"
She said, "Not everybody paid."
Why is America bad at playing Clash of Clans?
Because they already lost two towers.
A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."
Me: You have terrible jokes.
Mum: Shows me a mirror.
How to get into politics?
Fail art school.
Q: Why can’t orphans be criminals?
A: They are not wanted.
A kid named Timmy said to his dad that he had sex with his teacher, and his dad was proud of him and gave him a bike.
The kid said, "I can't use it; my butt hurts!"
What's George Floyd's newest song?
"I can't breathe."
I saw a monkey outside of school and said, "Look, a monkey!" I got expelled the next day.
I got in trouble at school today because I told the teacher at school with COVID to stay positive.
Q: What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
A: Neither of them get to see their parents.
Q: What do orphans call a family reunion?
A: Me time.
I joined an emo class today. The first lesson I learned was slice and dice and let it flow.
Dark humor.
Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?
Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.
I was playing football and this guy comes to me, he was in a wheelchair.
We started playing rocket league.
My nan must really love the quiet game, she's been playing it for ages.
Q: Do you know why orphans rob banks?
A: Because it's a guarantee they'll be wanted afterwards.
