Dark Humor
"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."
I told my therapist I feel suicidal. He charged me in advance.
My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.
Two simple steps to get 15,000 people to follow you:
Step 1: Buy a bottle of water (doesn't matter the size).
Step 2: Run through Africa with that bottle of water.
Perfect! Now you got yourself half the population there following you!
What do a baby and a grenade have in common? They both make loud noises when thrown.
Memes
What's the worst place to teach an orphan? Homeschool.
Me, calls the police*
Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!
Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.
Me: Why, so you can then stop me?
Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!
Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!
Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!
I was trying to make homemade baby powder until I realized it isn't made from babies, oops wrong ingredient... smh
Q: What do you call an Asian paralympian?
A: Lim Ping.
Grandma: You guy's generation is on too much technology.
Kid: Well, you're the ones that raised us.
Other family members: ...
What goes down but not up?
An emo.
What’s Queen Elizabeth’s pickup line?
You’re breathtaking!
What do you call a kid with an eyepatch and no arms or legs? Names.
New Gen iPhones are designed for orphans, because they don’t need a home button.
Why does New York have the Jets as their football team if those are what took out the Twin Towers?
What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?
The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.
Q. Why didn't Tracy Latimer enjoy her trip to Vancouver?
A. She had to go to GasTown.
Dr. Seuss dark jokes.
Hey there little mister, I'm dating your sister!
What was Juice WRLD's favorite store?
Forever 21.
Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A: A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection.