Dark Humor
Guy: You won't eat a human, so why do you eat meat?
Other Guy: It is bold of you to think I won't eat a human.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.
Yo, stop making 9/11 jokes. My grandpa was a pilot.
Two simple steps to get 15,000 people to follow you:
Step 1: Buy a bottle of water (doesn't matter the size).
Step 2: Run through Africa with that bottle of water.
Perfect! Now you got yourself half the population there following you!
Why do you wrap a hamster in duct tape?
So it doesn’t explode when you’re fucking it.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
You can hang the picture with one nail.
Where did Sally go when the bomb went off? - Everywhere.
How did the gay girl die? Homicide.
Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.
Q: What do hookers and kittens have in common?
A: They both get dumped on deserted back roads.
I took my girlfriend to a Chinese restaurant. One hour after ordering, I went to ask the chef what was going on. That was until I heard barking from the kitchen.
Did you know penguins can actually fly if thrown hard enough... Just like children.
What is the first thing you should always take care of first after a car crash?
The witnesses.
Me: I found a group of furries in the woods.
Voice in back: Well, it looks like we're going huntin'.
What's the difference between my car and a school bus? A school bus takes them back home.
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.
Why can’t Chinese people play baseball?
Because they ate the bay.
What do you call gun ammunition made out of human babies?
Project-childs.
(Projectiles)
Me: Hey, you want to hear a dark joke?
Brother: Sure.
Me: Turn off the light.