Dark Humor

Dark Humor

Grenade

What do a baby and a grenade have in common? They both make loud noises when thrown.

Suicide

Me, calls the police*

Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!

Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.

Me: Why, so you can then stop me?

Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!

Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!

Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!

Trip

Q. Why didn't Tracy Latimer enjoy her trip to Vancouver?

A. She had to go to GasTown.

Tower

Why does New York have the Jets as their football team if those are what took out the Twin Towers?

Memes

iPhone

New Gen iPhones are designed for orphans, because they don’t need a home button.

Grenade

What does a baby and a grenade have in common?

They both make noise after you throw them.

Kid

What do you call a kid with an eyepatch and no arms or legs? Names.

Kid

What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?

The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.

Technology

Grandma: You guy's generation is on too much technology.

Kid: Well, you're the ones that raised us.

Other family members: ...

Death

I wish death was in the form of a woman.

That way, it would never come for me.

Yeast infection

Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

A: A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection.

Kid

I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.

Baby

I was trying to make homemade baby powder until I realized it isn't made from babies, oops wrong ingredient... smh