Dark Humor
What's the worst place to teach an orphan? Homeschool.
What do a baby and a grenade have in common? They both make loud noises when thrown.
Me, calls the police*
Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!
Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.
Me: Why, so you can then stop me?
Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!
Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!
Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!
I was trying to make homemade baby powder until I realized it isn't made from babies, oops wrong ingredient... smh
Dr. Seuss dark jokes.
Hey there little mister, I'm dating your sister!
Memes
Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A: A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection.
I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.
What was Juice WRLD's favorite store?
Forever 21.
Q. Why didn't Tracy Latimer enjoy her trip to Vancouver?
A. She had to go to GasTown.
Why does New York have the Jets as their football team if those are what took out the Twin Towers?
What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?
The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.
Grandma: You guy's generation is on too much technology.
Kid: Well, you're the ones that raised us.
Other family members: ...
What goes down but not up?
An emo.
Why can't a homeless person be in "The Boys?"
Because he would have beef with Homelander.
What does a baby and a grenade have in common?
They both make noise after you throw them.
What’s Queen Elizabeth’s pickup line?
You’re breathtaking!
What do you call a kid with an eyepatch and no arms or legs? Names.
New Gen iPhones are designed for orphans, because they don’t need a home button.
Q: What do you call an Asian paralympian?
A: Lim Ping.
I wish death was in the form of a woman.
That way, it would never come for me.