A missionary was caught by cannibals. He was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, "You can't stew me. I'm a friar."
Danger Jokes
How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2
-Harpoon it.
When the school shooter throws a smoke bomb into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a dance party.
Q: What is the difference between a stripper and a bungee cord?
A: It's cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're pretty much screwed.
How can you tell if a Polish woman is on the rag? One of her socks is missing!
What danger does this put them in? Toxic Sock Syndrome!
"Ya tryna run? Hop in the van."
"Muffin Man, Muffin Man, he's gonna rape you in his van."
Me walking in to the office:
Principal: Tell me, what did you do?
Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...
What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?
Reload... chhchhhh.
What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Fact: If you jump off a 12-story building, you will not like the result.
A man was taking a young child into the woods.
The young child said, "Mister, it's getting dark and I'm scared."
The man replied with, "How do you think I feel? I have to go back alone."
5 Little Monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said... "Wait, why are there mines all over the floor?"
Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.
What is the most dangerous mountain? Kilimanjaro.
What do the mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.
A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"
If you thought other people’s puns are bad, well, you should sea mine.
Where did Sally go when she went in the minefield?
Everywhere.
