Dais jokes

"I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered!"

When I have a staring contest, I always win.

Every day, I see blind people who hate me.

Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!

Why did the snowman say, "Good day," to the sun?

Because it was afraid to melt away by the sun.

I saw a little girl crying, and I said, "Where are your parents?" That day, I got fired from the orphanage. 🤪

Why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? Because they had no one to pick them up.

What's an orphan's best friend? A boomerang because it's the only thing that ever came back.

First date be like:

Me: "I work with animals every day."

Her: "Oh, how sweet! What is it exactly that you do with them?"

Me: "I'm a butcher."

Hello, everyone, how is your day today?

There are 365 days in a year. Orphans have 363 because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day.

Guy: Hi, how was your day today?

Woman: Good!

Guy: *Well I can’t ask her out cause she’s pregnant*

Guy: How many months pregnant are you?

Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also, I’m not pregnant.

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?

They have no mother's or father's day.

If you have a bad day, go tell an orphan to find his parents. He will be searching all day.

If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?

Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!

Quote of the day:

A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can't go anywhere until you change it.

Chao!!!

This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"

What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!

Why are there only 363 days on an orphan's calendar?

They don't have Father's Day and Mother's Day.

Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?

I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...

Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day.

Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

This place is gonna boom in a few days, just like the towers.