Dais jokes

When I have a staring contest, I always win.

Every day, I see blind people who hate me.

Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!

Guy: Hi, how was your day today?

Woman: Good!

Guy: *Well I can’t ask her out cause she’s pregnant*

Guy: How many months pregnant are you?

Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also, I’m not pregnant.

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?

They have no mother's or father's day.

Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.

Hello, everyone, how is your day today?

There are 365 days in a year. Orphans have 363 because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day.

If you have a bad day, go tell an orphan to find his parents. He will be searching all day.

Quote of the day:

A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can't go anywhere until you change it.

Chao!!!

Why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? Because they had no one to pick them up.

What's an orphan's best friend? A boomerang because it's the only thing that ever came back.

I saw a little girl crying, and I said, "Where are your parents?" That day, I got fired from the orphanage. 🤪

First date be like:

Me: "I work with animals every day."

Her: "Oh, how sweet! What is it exactly that you do with them?"

Me: "I'm a butcher."

Little boy: Momma?

Mom: Yes, my dear.

Little boy: One day I wanna work in McDonald's.

Mom: Why!?

Little boy: Just to see if their ice cream machine is actually broken.

The pastor jumped at the chance to meet Ariana the other day.

He also grabbed, fondled, and fingered. Some might say he was milking the situation.

What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!

This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"

What is Labor Day? That’s when mommies have their babes.

Why do orphans not like July 24th??

Because it's Parents Day.

Thomas Jefferson’s 80th b-day bash be like:

Jackson: "CALHOUN! YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME - IN BED WITH THE CONSTITUTION??"

Why are there only 363 days on an orphan's calendar?

They don't have Father's Day and Mother's Day.