Dais jokes
Quote of the day:
A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can't go anywhere until you change it.
Chao!!!
Guy: Hi, how was your day today?
Woman: Good!
Guy: *Well I canโt ask her out cause sheโs pregnant*
Guy: How many months pregnant are you?
Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also, Iโm not pregnant.
Bro, this guy's hairline I saw the other day was nowhere to be seen.
Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!
Why did the snowman say, "Good day," to the sun?
Because it was afraid to melt away by the sun.
Memes
This keeps getting better have a GREAT DAY
"I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered!"
When I have a staring contest, I always win.
Every day, I see blind people who hate me.
I saw a little girl crying, and I said, "Where are your parents?" That day, I got fired from the orphanage. ๐คช
Why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? Because they had no one to pick them up.
What's an orphan's best friend? A boomerang because it's the only thing that ever came back.
I bought my son a trampoline. That little a**hole stayed in his wheelchair the whole day.
First date be like:
Me: "I work with animals every day."
Her: "Oh, how sweet! What is it exactly that you do with them?"
Me: "I'm a butcher."
The pastor jumped at the chance to meet Ariana the other day.
He also grabbed, fondled, and fingered. Some might say he was milking the situation.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
They have no mother's or father's day.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"
What is Labor Day? Thatโs when mommies have their babes.
Thomas Jeffersonโs 80th b-day bash be like:
Jackson: "CALHOUN! YOUโRE CHEATING ON ME - IN BED WITH THE CONSTITUTION??"
Why do orphans not like July 24th??
Because it's Parents Day.
What day should you drink water?
Thursday, Thirstday!
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!