Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.
I saw a little girl crying, and I said, "Where are your parents?" That day, I got fired from the orphanage. 🤪
Why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? Because they had no one to pick them up.
What's an orphan's best friend? A boomerang because it's the only thing that ever came back.
Thomas Jefferson’s 80th b-day bash be like:
Jackson: "CALHOUN! YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME - IN BED WITH THE CONSTITUTION??"
The pastor jumped at the chance to meet Ariana the other day.
He also grabbed, fondled, and fingered. Some might say he was milking the situation.
Why do orphans not like July 24th??
Because it's Parents Day.
Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?
I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...
I got written up on "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.
Yo mama so fat that she was the float in the Thanksgiving Day Parade with Kermit the Frog
Attention! Has anyone noticed that Watersharky and Kitten are dating? It's strange because they haven't said anything for 28 DAYS!!! They been keeping it a secret...(I guess). Someone needs to keep track of this. GOD, I just thought further into life with their relationship. DON'T DO THAT.
Daughter: So, I got my period.
Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!
Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?
Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.
Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)
Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)
Y do orphans have 363 days in a year
because they don't have a mother's of farthers day
Doctor: “I have good and bad news.” Patient: “Give me the good news first.” Doctor: “Your test results are back and you have only two days to live.” Patient: “That’s the good news? What’s the bad news?” Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”
It’s been a terrible day today my ex got hit by a bus and died. Not only this but the council cut my bus drivers permit
Why are there only 363 days in an orphaned years because they don’t have and farther s or Mother’s Day
What is the difference between the snow boots on the earth day today after dinner and walk home
why are there only 363 days for orphans... because they dont have mothers and fathers day.
Whoever is reading this, I hope you have a good day because I feel bad you're so short.
Some moving men had just begun their day's work.
The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.
The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."
One day, I sit in the lounge on a chair.
