I spent 10 hours applying makeup so I could look pretty when I was going to have sex with my partner.
I needn't have bothered.
The next day, it was smeared all over my face.
Dais Jokes
The two brothers were sitting next to each other. They played with planes all day long. They got too violent, and now their sister (World Trade Center) stands there. The brothers were put up for adoption, and the planes were given back to their owners.
Why are there only 363 days for orphans?
Because they don't have Mothers' and Fathers' Day.
Bro, my friend is always using zodiacs as an excuse.
The other day he said he couldn't hang out with me because of cancer. I told him to fuck off. Then I realized why he was mad after that...
Good Morning! Have a Great Day!
#Ijustwokeup
Kiss a girl on the forehead make her happy for a day.
If you give her anal you'll make her whole weak.
Why are there only 363 days in an orphaned year?
Because they don’t have a father's or Mother’s Day.
I never knew what my dad's job was.
One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"
My dad answered...
One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.
Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.
Whoever is reading this, I hope you have a good day because I feel bad you're so short.
Why did a girl like bananas?
Because one day she might need to be ready.
I had the WORST day ever. My ex was sent to the hospital from a gun, and I got my hunting license removed.
Type this in your calculator:
5 days a week (type in 5),
6 different classes (type in 6),
7 hours a day (type in 7),
x
2 semesters (type in 2),
=
flip the calculator over ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°).
He: I am 60 and I have to slog 12 hours a day to make a living. Do you call it life?
She: I am 28 and still a virgin, do you call it life?
Why do orphans have 363 days in a year?
Because they don't have a mother's or father's day.
One day there was a guy who robbed a bank. A customer at the bank while it happened got the police. Who was that? The police said......
It’s a wood hulem.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chick is you.
It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.
Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!
At night time, in Africa, it's known as the darkest country. Till this day, I still wonder why.
Some moving men had just begun their day's work.
The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.
The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."
