Dais jokes
What is shark's favorite day?
Chewsday.
Hi, oooo was the day I was a kid. I was going home to school today after dinner!
My uncle got really badly burned the other day.
They don't fuck around at the crematorium.
Nothing lasts long these days!
As Confucius says, "Hare today, gone tomorrow!"
What day should you drink water?
Thursday, Thirstday!
Memes
This keeps getting better have a GREAT DAY
What is 14 inches long and starts with D?
A Dookie From GREEN DAY
Little boy: Momma?
Mom: Yes, my dear.
Little boy: One day I wanna work in McDonald's.
Mom: Why!?
Little boy: Just to see if their ice cream machine is actually broken.
If you have a bad day, go tell an orphan to find his parents. He will be searching all day.
Quote of the day:
A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can't go anywhere until you change it.
Chao!!!
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
They have no mother's or father's day.
Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day.
Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
Yo mama so fat that she was the float in the Thanksgiving Day Parade with Kermit the Frog!
The other day my wife told me to pass her her lipstick, but I accidently passed her a glue stick... she still isn't talking to me.
Gender reveals be going crazy nowadays.
I got written up on "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.
Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?
I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...
This place is gonna boom in a few days, just like the towers.
Attention! Has anyone noticed that Watersharky and Kitten are dating? It's strange because they haven't said anything for 28 DAYS!!! They been keeping it a secret...(I guess). Someone needs to keep track of this. GOD, I just thought further into life with their relationship. DON'T DO THAT.
Daughter: So, I got my period.
Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!
Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?
Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.
Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)
Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)
I never knew what my dad's job was.
One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"
My dad answered...