Guy: Hi, how was your day today. Woman: Good! Guy: *Well I can’t ask her out cause she’s pregnant* Guy: How many months pregnant are you? Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also I’m not pregnant.
Today was the worst day ever. My Ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side my truck doesn't even have a dent.
There’s 365 days in a year orfans have 363 because they don’t have a mother’s or Father’s Day
P
My uncle got really badly burned the other day. They don't fuck around at the crematorium.
Hi oooo was the day I was a kid I was going home to school today after dinner 🍽
what is sharks favourite day chewsday
What day should you drink water? Thursday, Thirstday
Nothing lasts long these days! As Confucius says - Hare today, gone tomorrow!
What is 14 inches long and starts with D
A Dookie From GREEN DAY
if the average male walks 1.7 miles a day then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk
what month has 28 days
all of them
I got written up on 'Take Your Daughter To Work Day.' Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.
Yo mama so fat that she was the float in the Thanksgiving Day Parade with Kermit the Frog
Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?
I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...
this place is gonna boom in a few days, just like the towers
The other day my wife told me to pass her her lipstick, but I accidently passed her a glue stick...she still isn't talking to me
bro this guys hairline I saw the other day was no were to be seen
Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing!!! Tomorrow I am going to six flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR day!!!!!! Woohooo!!!!
"I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."
Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
