This place is gonna boom in a few days, just like the towers.
What day should you drink water?
Thursday, Thirstday!
My uncle got really badly burned the other day.
They don't fuck around at the crematorium.
Quote of the day:
A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can't go anywhere until you change it.
Chao!!!
If you have a bad day, go tell an orphan to find his parents. He will be searching all day.
Little boy: Momma?
Mom: Yes, my dear.
Little boy: One day I wanna work in McDonald's.
Mom: Why!?
Little boy: Just to see if their ice cream machine is actually broken.
Why did the snowman say, "Good day," to the sun?
Because it was afraid to melt away by the sun.
When I have a staring contest, I always win.
Every day, I see blind people who hate me.
Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!
Bro, this guy's hairline I saw the other day was nowhere to be seen.
What month has 28 days?
All of them.
If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?
Nothing lasts long these days!
As Confucius says, "Hare today, gone tomorrow!"
What is 14 inches long and starts with D?
A Dookie From GREEN DAY
Hi, oooo was the day I was a kid. I was going home to school today after dinner!
Guy: Hi, how was your day today?
Woman: Good!
Guy: *Well I can’t ask her out cause she’s pregnant*
Guy: How many months pregnant are you?
Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also, I’m not pregnant.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.
