Dad jokes

My teacher said he is gonna call my dad, I can't wait to meet him! 🥰🥰🥰

My dad is John Cena because I can't see him.

Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.

Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.

Depression hits harder than my dad.

Why can't you eat cereal?

Because your dad never came back from getting the milk!

Boy: "Mister, can I get candy?"

Mister: No, you shit head.

Boy: Why? :(

Mister: Because I'm not your dad.

DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.

SON: Why?

DAD: You're going to need them.

Why did my dad leave me?

Because I was gay.

What's the difference between cancer and my dad?

Cancer is still here. 😂😂😅😅😐😐😪😪😥😥😭😭

Why did Ama cross the road?

To find his dad.

What’s fat, brown, and has no dad?

Ama

What do you call a girl with one leg? Ilean.

I'm in jail for 5 minutes and I already got fucked 15 times. You don't have any idea how much I hate playing Monopoly with my dad.

Where did your dad go? Because I saw him at the milk shop. Oh wait, there isn't one.

One morning, Peppy and George came downstairs for breakfast, but they got a plate of juicy bacon. Their dad had recently gone missing, so they ate it quite sadly.

The next morning, they went to school and asked their teacher, "What is bacon made out of?" The teacher replied, "Pigs, why?" Peppa and George looked horrified.

Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂

Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.

Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.

I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.

(Do you get the joke?)

(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)

I wanna date you.

Said mom, dad said no, you are a horrid, f*cking d*ck.

I went to a sleepover at my best friend's house. He lives with his grandpa and little brother, his mom and dad. His little brother likes to run around the house naked sometimes. I can't help but notice his grandpa always looks up when he does.

I told my dad that I’m gay. He replied, “No, you're retarded.” Then he went off to kiss a baby.