Cut jokes
A kid went and got a haircut. The day after, he went to school, and a friend says, "I like your cut." He replies, "Which one?"
A bus full of nuns falls off a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them, “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question.”
St. Peter turns to the first nun in the line and asks her, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister responds, “Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger...” St. Peter says, “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.
St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment...” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.
Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun, “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds, “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”
Huggy Wuggy and Kissy Missy had a baby.
They never gave him a name, so they just played cut the rope with him...
How many Emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they sit in the dark crying.
None, they sit in the dark cutting their wrists.
My grandma just died from cancer.
My last words to her were “I like your cut, G.”
What do you call a flat-chested emo girl?
A cutting board.
Why can't emos work at a restaurant? Because they cut too much.
I tried to name my grass "emo" so it will cut itself.
What's the difference between an emo kid and an onion?
You cry when you cut an onion.
What do you call a committee of emo kids?
A cutting board!
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza? Pizza won't cut itself.
What's the difference between onions and children? Nothing, when you cut one everyone around you cries.
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?
Pizza won't cut itself.
What do you call a flat-chested emo girl?
A cutting board.
"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"
Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.
Maybe if the grass on my front lawn had depression, It would cut itself.
Did you hear about the new emo pizza? It cuts itself.
I wasn't cut out for running today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
Why do emo kids not run? Because their bodies will tear apart from the bones from all the cuts.
If you don't like my suicidal jokes, sorry man, didn't know it cut that deep.