Cut jokes
Why did the Polish urologist cut his cock off with a knife?
To take care of his erectile dysfunction.
Did you hear about the emo kid who auditioned for the school play?
He made the cut.
Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!
Fruit, vegetables, my arms.
How is an emo kid’s wrist like Pink Floyd?
It’s all shitty until you reach the final cut.
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh.
Next thing he hears is, “Dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings. Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
Imagine someone leaving a cut-out of Jeff Bezos on your car after you found out your blind bf cheated on you, and the McDonald's employee says over the speaker, "Weren't expecting him to see other hoes were you?"
What is an emo's favorite game?
To delete Cut the Rope.
What do you say to a person who got his whole left side cut off? "Are you all right?!"
Why do an emo's parents not let them cook, because they are afraid they will cut themselves?
Mommy, mommy! Are we drug dealers?
Shut up and cut the coke.
Emo people are like other emo people, they're emo. Laugh now or I'll cut your eyes out. Tee hee!
Emos are so predictable: sleep, eat, cut, repeat.
Why are emos like paper?
They cut easily.
A guy goes ice fishing for the very first time. All of a sudden, he hears a voice. “There are no fish under the ice!”
He ignores it and moves to another area, cuts a hole, and tosses his line in. Again, he hears the booming voice: “There are no fish under the ice!”
He nervously looks up and asks, “Lord? Is that you?”
“No, this is the rink manager!”
Nie cut G.
This emo kid wanted to join a group of emos, but he didn't make the cut.
Why don't you take emo skydiving?
They cut the rope.
I saw an emo kid that got a haircut today. But instead of saying “Like ya cut, g” and slapping the neck, I slapped the wrist and said “Like ya cut’s g”.
When I self-harmed one day, my mother told me that it cut her deep. We both found that very amusing.
I went to an emo kid who just got a haircut, and instead of saying, "Like your cut, G," I slapped his arm and said, "I like your cuts, G."