Crime jokes

So I was being robbed, and this guy had the gun to my head, so I told him he was holding it backwards.

What type of tape do kidnappers use?

Abduct-Tape.

Is necrophilia considered cracking open a cold one?

What's the hardest part about being a paedophile?

Trying to fit in.

Gary Glitter was imprisoned for inappropriate relations with preteens. Not to be outdone, Kelly Clarkson exclaimed, "Hold my Bud Light!" whilst grasping her 1-year-old daughter.

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

Yo mama so fat, she got arrested for carrying ten pounds of crack.

What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedo have in common?

Are you ready, kids?🤣

What's the difference between drugs and kids?

I don't sell drugs.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd get in the van if I were you...

What was the pedophile charged with when he was arrested? A minor offense.

An orphanage got robbed yesterday. Let's just say that's the second worst thing to happen to those orphans. At least they didn't end up like their parents.

Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.

How many times can 50 fit into 9?

Get in a van and find out.

Why are Americans so shocked when it comes to Mexican drug cartels?

Because none of the drug lords (or their associates, for that matter) have shot up a school.

Two pedophiles talking to each other:

"Do you got two fives for one ten?"

What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy children.

What are the differences between a preschool and a pedophile's basement? Little kids leave preschool.

9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."