Crime jokes
How can you be friends with a pedophile that's a musician?
B minor.
Do orphans love doing crime?
'Cause they want to be wanted.
What is a paedophile’s favourite symphony?
Amadeus Mozart’s special flute in A minor.
What do you call a swimming terrorist? A bath bomb.
Q: Why didn't Jeffery Dahmer eat comedians?
A: He thought they tasted funny.
Man: Could you hold this for me?
Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*
Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!
When do you go at stop and stop when done?
I don't know, I'm not a pedophile.
My dad killed himself because he was Hitler.
"What do you do with your free time?"
"I stalk."
"Really? I enjoy walks in the park, going to the movies, and hanging out with friends."
"I know."
What’s the difference between a robber and an orphan?
One is wanted.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered sex offender.
There was a kid in a wheelchair. I put him on fire and called him Hot Wheels.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute?
So they could finally call someone "daddy."
God, those orphans were putting up such a fight, I had to lock 'em in the basement.
What is the difference between Nicole Brown Simpson and cancer?
OJ couldn’t kill cancer.
What's the difference between you and me? You're not strangling a man with a cloak on.
What's the difference between a dead hooker and a watermelon?
The watermelon didn't scream when I sliced it.
Yo mama is soooooo fat that she was arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack!
A man enters the bank and says, "Hi, I'm robbing you!" The man was arrested instantly.
I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.