Crime jokes

Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesn't pay anymore.

Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"

Why did the police go to a baseball game?

Because a player stole the base.

Why do orphan girls love pedophiles? Because they get to call someone “Daddy”!

Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.

Poor bastard.

What do you call someone that illegally transports cups? - A s-mug-gler.

Q: How can you tell that a pedophile likes music?

A: He rapes D minor.

I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.

Teachers at a school shooting be like: damn it. That's the third one this week and it's only Monday.

It's only rape.

If she finds out.

How do you avoid getting raped? Just don't say no!

There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run.

Violence against women is funny :)

How do you make rape funny? Tickle her while you do it.

What’s the difference between jail and my basement?

Some people are let out of jail.

Did you know that statistically, 1 in 10 people live next to a pedophile? Not me though, I live next to a 10 year old boy with a fat ass.

No means no, but if you use chloroform, it’s a guaranteed yes.

I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.

According to statistics, 5 of 6 people enjoy gang rape.

What does a kid and wine have in common?

Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.