Crime jokes
Me: Brings in missing child.
Police: OMG this kid has been missing for 3 months. Here is your reward.
Me: Oh, cool.
NEXT DAY
Me: Brings in 8 other kids.
Police :0 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0
This is not a joke; this is just about death...
Oh, sh**! I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?
Why do homeless people commit crimes?
They get a bed in jail.
What did the teacher say when he raped his naughty student?
"Face the wall!"
I found a chest of gold in my garden the other day. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.
Then I remembered why I was digging in my garden.
What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?
"This isn't ketchup."
I groomed 2 minors today.
What happens to chickens that get kidnapped by rapists?
They get choked.
Why do they call them a nonce?
Because they go for people who don't have any sense.
Why was the Human Torch arrested?
He had firearms.
NEWS: A man kidnapped a 13-year-old girl.
MOM OF GIRL: The man had a shady face and a receding hairline.
What’s the best part of raping an 11 year old girl?
Killing the little bitch after you’ve finished with her.
POV: Me going to jail after giving the orphan kid a computer without the motherboard.
How do pirates like their movies?
You already know the answer, don't you?
Well...
ARRR rated! Huh huh huh...
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
What's the difference between Axne and a priest??
One waits till you're 13 to come on your face.
What is the difference between preschools and my basement?
Little kids come out of preschool.
Why do a pedophile love Halloween?
Free delivery.
"Muffin Man, Muffin Man, he's gonna rape you in his van."