Crime jokes
"Lizzie Borden took an axe. And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one."
Today was a bittersweet day...
Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!
Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!
Q. What do you get when you cross a mentally disabled person with a pedophile? A. Jeffy Epstein.
What's a pedophile's favorite fast food meal?
In-N-Out of kids.
Well.
They can't say no if they're unconscious.
So, I was in the church the other day, raping this woman, when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
How many times does 42 go into 9?
Get in the van to find out.
What is harder than steel?
Michael Jackson on a primary school oval. 😂
Q. If I go 1 on 1 with Harvey Weinstein, I won't get raped?
A. I'm not a 14-year-old girl.
What did Michael Jackson say to the little boy?
"Shhhhhhh, this might hurt a little."
Roses are red, I have free candy, get in my van, I have a gun handy.
Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?
Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.
What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?
Halloween. Free delivery!
What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common?
Shooting up schoolchildren.
What happens when Batman sees Catwoman?
The Dark Knight Rises.
Friend 1: I don't want to jump.
Friend 2: Me neither.
Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.
Friend 1: *jumps*
Friend 2: *jumps*
Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!
Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.
Unless you are in prison.
What does McDonald's and a paedophile have in common?
They both like sticking their meat in ten-year-olds.
what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?
I don't bowl.