Crime jokes
What do you call a terrorist in water?
A bath bomb 😁
Why was the Human Torch arrested?
He had firearms.
They can't say no if they're unconscious.
Q. If I go 1 on 1 with Harvey Weinstein, I won't get raped?
A. I'm not a 14-year-old girl.
What did Michael Jackson say to the little boy?
"Shhhhhhh, this might hurt a little."
yes
What is harder than steel?
Michael Jackson on a primary school oval. 😂
Roses are red, I have free candy, get in my van, I have a gun handy.
So, I was in the church the other day, raping this woman, when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
How many times does 42 go into 9?
Get in the van to find out.
What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?
Halloween. Free delivery!
Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?
Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.
What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common?
Shooting up schoolchildren.
what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?
I don't bowl.
Friend 1: I don't want to jump.
Friend 2: Me neither.
Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.
Friend 1: *jumps*
Friend 2: *jumps*
Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!
Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.
What happens when Batman sees Catwoman?
The Dark Knight Rises.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.
Unless you are in prison.
At the age of 100, you get a letter from the Queen. At 12, you get a DM from Prince Charles.
My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
I lost my dog. I probably shouldn't have named him "rape."
What's the similarity between pedophiles and school shooters?
They both shoot when they see kids.