Crime jokes
Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!
They can't say no if they're unconscious.
What did Michael Jackson say to the little boy?
"Shhhhhhh, this might hurt a little."
Q. If I go 1 on 1 with Harvey Weinstein, I won't get raped?
A. I'm not a 14-year-old girl.
Roses are red, I have free candy, get in my van, I have a gun handy.
What is harder than steel?
Michael Jackson on a primary school oval. 😂
How many times does 42 go into 9?
Get in the van to find out.
So, I was in the church the other day, raping this woman, when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?
Halloween. Free delivery!
Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?
Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.
What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common?
Shooting up schoolchildren.
What happens when Batman sees Catwoman?
The Dark Knight Rises.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.
Unless you are in prison.
what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?
I don't bowl.
Friend 1: I don't want to jump.
Friend 2: Me neither.
Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.
Friend 1: *jumps*
Friend 2: *jumps*
Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!
Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.
What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?
I guess orange is the new black.
Where do rape victims buy their clothes from?
The kids section.
"Why did the band teacher get arrested?"
"For fingering a minor." Ahaha, so funny!
I lost my dog. I probably shouldn't have named him "rape."
When is a rapist safe around children?
When his plans are oven ready.