Crime jokes
What similarities do peeping Toms and spies share?
They both see things they shouldn't.
You heard that Michael Jackson autopsy reports showed he died of food poisoning?
It’s because he ate some 8 year old nuts.
Why didn't Donald Trump pick up his phone when Jeffrey Epstein called him?
Because Donald killed Jeffrey Epstein in prison to hide the evidence.
Your dad never needed a van for you.
Mother got shot, damn.
Father got shot, damn.
Sister got shot, damn.
Brother got shot, damn.
Auntie running away with a shotgun!
What’s a kidnapper's favorite shoe brand?
White vans.
Pokemon: What do you call a killer that uses psycho powers?
Mr. Mime!
Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Yes, I know the murderer, The muffin man, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
What's the similarity between pedophiles and school shooters?
They both shoot when they see kids.
Here is a joke: Rape.
"Fortnite balls, I'm gay. I like boys. I kidnap autistic kids. Lil Mosey is white."
My four conditions:
1. I need coffee.
2. I need vacation.
3. I need food.
4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.
How many times does 42 go into 9?
Get in the van to find out.
Why did the person go to jail? He committed a crime.
My teacher said, "I'm gonna leave soon, I don't want to be here anymore!" So I shot her.
Those rape alarms give you a headache, don't they?
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a dead pedophile? Nothing.
In jail, why is the white guy scarier than the black guy? Because the white guy actually did something.
What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?
Halloween. Free delivery!