Why did nobody believe the little girl who got raped?
She said a monster attacked her.
If a man kills a kid, it's called Murder.
If a woman kills a kid, it's called Reproductive Rights.
So, some ants in a colony go to war. They want some more troops and know that there are ants that went to wars as well. They call them war-ants.
They start barging into homes to search for more war-ants. They barge into a home, and the lady-ant goes, "Hey, why are you here? Can you please leave?" One of the ants replies with, "I'm sorry, but unless you have a war-ant, we have to keep searching your house."
I just killed a family of five.
Now I’m an orphan.
Why did the orphan commit a bank robbery?
So he could be wanted.
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did and they ended up liking each other and getting married and living happily... wait, no, that’s not right.
Sammy actually snuck into Rayne’s house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?
Three guys are walking in a bar. A priest, a paedophile, and a rapist. That was just the first guy.
Why did the homeless man stop to help the kids cross the street?
To get them into his van.
Where do pedophiles go hunting?
Elementary schools.
What happens when Batman sees Catwoman?
The Dark Knight Rises.
A brunette fought and didn't get raped.
A blonde thought and did get raped.
Serial killers be like: "Blood is red, veins are blue, next one is YOU."
You heard that Michael Jackson autopsy reports showed he died of food poisoning?
It’s because he ate some 8 year old nuts.
I was digging in my backyard and I found gold, and I went to run and tell my mom, but I realized why I was digging in the backyard.
I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.
Why do so many people hate Bill Cosby? I mean, all he did was have affairs with drunk, attention-seeking women. They literally begged for it.
Why did the policeman rape the woman? Because he thought rapists wouldn't be attracted to non-virgins.
Rape isn't funny unless she's laughing, too.
