Crime jokes
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
What time do terrorists arrive in New York City?
9:11 AM
Why can't an orphan get 5 stars in GTA? Because they are not wanted.
A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?
(Getting brutally murdered.)
What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged!
Memes
Most people call it grave robbing...
I prefer to call it cryptocurrency.
If a wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been muggled?
What do you get if you cross a gorilla and a prisoner? A kong-vict.
Why do blondes make bad bank robbers?
Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.
Where do spiders commit crimes?
The Dark Web.
My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!
It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.
Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?
Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.
Found this girl in Hawaii.
Put a stick up her ass and she said, "Ayi."
What did the duck say to the drug dealer?
Gimme some of that quack!
Who are the best at bowling?
Terrorists, they always throw strikes.
An eight-year-old girl struggles to breathe as she lies on a hospital bed and waits for the doctor to come. After the doctor comes, he pulls his cock out of her mouth, and she can breathe much better.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 broke into a daycare and ate 12 children before burning the building down.
Dude,
if you stab a cereal box, will that make you a cereal killer?
What is the best feeling for an orphan when he plays Grand Theft Auto?
When he is wanted!
Jeffrey Dahmer and his mother are having dinner.
His mother says, “I don’t like your friends.”
Then Jeff says, “You can eat the potatoes.”