Crime jokes
Yesterday, there was a blackout on my street.
So I sold them.
Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."
Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"
I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun. Now it’s an assault rifle.
Did you know that a majority of the U.S. is afraid of the dark?
Especially if they are right behind you at the ATM.
A white woman was caught on video using racial slurs and assaulting two black students. She was charged with "interpreting" a black police officer.
Memes
A child, molester, and priest walk into a bar.
He orders a drink.
Why was Six afraid of Seven?
Because 7 was accused of the murder of 26 children.
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
What time do terrorists arrive in New York City?
9:11 AM
Why can't an orphan get 5 stars in GTA? Because they are not wanted.
A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?
(Getting brutally murdered.)
What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged!
Most people call it grave robbing...
I prefer to call it cryptocurrency.
If a wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been muggled?
What do you get if you cross a gorilla and a prisoner? A kong-vict.
Why do blondes make bad bank robbers?
Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.
Where do spiders commit crimes?
The Dark Web.
My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!
It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.
Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?
Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.
Found this girl in Hawaii.
Put a stick up her ass and she said, "Ayi."