Crime jokes

Who are the best at bowling?

Terrorists, they always throw strikes.

Why are orphans so good at GTA?

Because they're not wanted.

Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?

Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.

My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!

It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.

What do you get if you cross a gorilla and a prisoner? A kong-vict.

Why do blondes make bad bank robbers?

Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.

Where do spiders commit crimes?

The Dark Web.

What is a shark’s favorite TV show? Sea-S-I.

I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

Why did the gorilla leave the mafia headquarters for good?

Why does it take so long for the pirates to learn the alphabet?

Because they spend years on C! Pirate: A, B, sea?

Get a head in life by decapitating someone.

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

What do you get when Cayden steals your sandwich? A knuckle sandwich.

What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?

Predator 2.

What's the difference between Batman and a Black man???

Batman can go out at night without Robin.

What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?

I’d hit that.

A white woman was caught on video using racial slurs and assaulting two black students. She was charged with "interpreting" a black police officer.

I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun. Now it’s an assault rifle.

Yesterday, there was a blackout on my street.

So I sold them.