Crime jokes

Man: *steals drink*

Boy: bro😭😭

Man: Why are u crying over a drink?

Boy: That had drugs.

Man: ....

"It's not a war crime if you win the war."

- Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!

Officer: You OK, kid?

Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.

Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*

When officer leaves:

Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?

Where's the best place to hide a body? In the second page of Google search results.

Me going to jail for telling the orphan he has 363 days because mothers and Father’s Day.

So I told the officer, "I can't even walk when I'm sober."

"Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go."

Yesterday, there was a blackout on my street.

So I sold them.

What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?

I’d hit that.

What do gay men and drug dealers have in common?

They both get a lot of crack.

On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.

What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?

Helen Killer.

What does a cannibal do after eating its vegetables?

Sells the wheelchair.

A white woman was caught on video using racial slurs and assaulting two black students. She was charged with "interpreting" a black police officer.

A child, molester, and priest walk into a bar.

He orders a drink.

I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun. Now it’s an assault rifle.

Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."

The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."

What is a pedophile's favorite planet?

Uranus.

What's a terrorist's favorite car? A Porsche 9/11.

What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?

Predator 2.