Crime jokes
The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.
I replied, "No. Is that still required?"
"Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go."
On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.
Man: *steals drink*
Boy: bro😭😭
Man: Why are u crying over a drink?
Boy: That had drugs.
Man: ....
What's a terrorist's favorite car? A Porsche 9/11.
Memes
Jeffrey Dahmer and his mother are having dinner.
His mother says, “I don’t like your friends.”
Then Jeff says, “You can eat the potatoes.”
What is a pedophile's favorite planet?
Uranus.
What does a cannibal do after eating its vegetables?
Sells the wheelchair.
Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."
The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."
If you are what you eat,
why is Jeffrey Dahmer white?
A white woman was caught on video using racial slurs and assaulting two black students. She was charged with "interpreting" a black police officer.
A child, molester, and priest walk into a bar.
He orders a drink.
I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun. Now it’s an assault rifle.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Where's the best place to hide a body? In the second page of Google search results.
So I told the officer, "I can't even walk when I'm sober."
Yep, this happens when you play G.T.A., good God!
What does a pedophile call an orphanage?
A supermarket.
What do gay men and drug dealers have in common?
They both get a lot of crack.
Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."
Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"