Crime jokes

Why do orphan girls love pedophiles? Because they get to call someone “Daddy”!

According to statistics, 5 of 6 people enjoy gang rape.

A pedophile pulls up to little Jonny, lowers his window and asks, "hey little boy, if I give you a lolly, will you come in my car?" Little Jonny replies, "Give me the whole packet and I’ll come in your mouth."

You were sleeping, it didn't count - Chloe Foxwell 2021:)))))))

When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say, “This boy always had a fat ass.”

I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?

A man was in a courtroom. The judge said, "What should this man's punishment be?"

A random guy yelled, "Off with his head!"

The judge said, "He shall give head to every man in this room."

The guy yelled, "Wait, that's not what I said!"

Gf: "You are a drug."

Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"

Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."

4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.

So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."

Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.

Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.

Don't you just want to go on a mass murder while listening to goodbye Moonman? Oh, just me... OK.

what did the pedophile say to the kid?

"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."

What do the mafia and pussies have in common?

One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.

What do you call a patronizing criminal walking down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

Why did Tyrone drop his ice cream cone?

A: He got shot.

What’s the difference between jail and my basement?

Some people are let out of jail.

First of all, if a woman sues Bill Cosby for drugging and rape 50 years ago, and she could still remember it, it couldn't have been all bad.

What are some other names for rape? There’s the classic “struggle snuggle,” but then there’s my personal favorite “fuck fight”.

What is the difference between preschools and my basement?

Little kids come out of preschool.