I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?
A man was in a courtroom. The judge said, "What should this man's punishment be?"
A random guy yelled, "Off with his head!"
The judge said, "He shall give head to every man in this room."
The guy yelled, "Wait, that's not what I said!"
Gf: "You are a drug."
Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"
Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."
It's only rape.
If she finds out.
According to statistics, 5 of 6 people enjoy gang rape.
4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.
Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?
- He robbed children of their innocence.
It isn't really rape if you speak different languages. I mean, how is the man supposed to know what she is saying? Those could be tears of joy and screams of pleasure.
So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."
Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.
Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.
Don't you just want to go on a mass murder while listening to goodbye Moonman? Oh, just me... OK.
What do the mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.
What do you call a patronizing criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
Why did Tyrone drop his ice cream cone?
A: He got shot.
What’s the difference between jail and my basement?
Some people are let out of jail.
what did the pedophile say to the kid?
"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."
What is the difference between preschools and my basement?
Little kids come out of preschool.
Why wasn't the infant's entire body found?
Because the limbs are scattered around 43°17.7355’N, 113°58.4205’W.
My teacher said, "I'm gonna leave soon, I don't want to be here anymore!" So I shot her.
How does a peadophile help a kid with maths? He adds the bed, divides the clothes, and multiplies with the whole classroom.
