Crime

Crime jokes

Suicide

Technically, suicide is murder, and murder is illegal, so if I kill myself, my body should go to jail.

Pedophile

What are the differences between a preschool and a pedophile's basement? Little kids leave preschool.

Mom

Your mom is so ugly that when she went to rob a bank, they had to turn the cameras off.

Memes

Depression

A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point.

The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."

Double Standard

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium and you’re being a respectful friend.

But do it at home and you’re destroying evidence.

Murder

You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.

Medium

Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison?

Reports say there's a small medium at large!

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  • Pedophile

    A pedophile lures a group of Houston Girl Scouts with "Hey girls, would you like some candy?" They all agree and follow him to his neighborhood. There he offers them some more candy and they follow him to his house. Once again he offers them candy to go in to his house. In the lounge he offers them candy to go to his room. As he leads them up the stairs one of them pipes up and says "God, I hope we get laid before we get diabetes."

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  • Murder

    Why can't you solve a murder in Alabama?

    All the DNA is identical and there are no dental records.

    Killer

    What do JFK’s killer and a prostitute have in common?

    “They both blow heads.”

    Woman

    So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'

    I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'