Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.
How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true.
What are the differences between a preschool and a pedophile's basement? Little kids leave preschool.
Your mom is so ugly that when she went to rob a bank, they had to turn the cameras off.
A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point.
The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium and you’re being a respectful friend.
But do it at home and you’re destroying evidence.
What is the hardest part about being a pedophile? Fitting in.
If there was someone selling drugs around here, we'd know.
You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.
Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."
Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison?
Reports say there's a small medium at large!
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.
A pedophile lures a group of Houston Girl Scouts with "Hey girls, would you like some candy?" They all agree and follow him to his neighborhood. There he offers them some more candy and they follow him to his house. Once again he offers them candy to go in to his house. In the lounge he offers them candy to go to his room. As he leads them up the stairs one of them pipes up and says "God, I hope we get laid before we get diabetes."
Don't mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
What do JFK’s killer and a prostitute have in common?
“They both blow heads.”
Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now.
It's not pedophilia, it's early access.
It's not rape if you're both crying.
When you hear Michael Jackson talk about his "perfect 10," make sure you hide your 10-year-old son.
I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.
