Crime jokes
A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The guy behind the bar says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets!"
Why do pirates pirate? Because they "Arrrrrrrrrgggghhh!" Hahahahahahahahaha!
VOTING QUARTERFINAL 2: LIKE: When the school shooter knocks on the classroom door and the autistic kid opens it.
DISLIKE: When the school shooter is gonna clap the football team, but his AK jams: “Take it easy guys, I was just joking!”
Vote for the better joke.
She said she was cheating. I put anti-freeze in her drink.
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
What do you call a pedo with no legs? A creepy crawly.
If Will Smith had a revolver and said, "Who fucked my wife?" Chris Rock would say, "You don't have enough bullets, mate."
A priest and a child molester walk into a bar. He orders a drink.
Mr. Beast challenge in Memphis be like: last one to survive the shooting wins 1 million dollars.
Why do orphans play GTA?
Because they want to feel wanted.
Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?
Shut up and pass me the note.
So I went to the bank and a lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her over.
What is a victimless crime in the state of Michigan if you are an able-bodied man who is well-endowed, not white, and not a heterosexual male?
A white male who is heterosexual and physically disabled who is sodomized by an able-bodied and well-endowed gay male who is not white inside the men's locker room at the gym.
So, one day Kylin Banks was playing football. Then he saw Violet. After he saw her, he got bricked up. Then he ran after her and rubbed his pickle all over her. She was so happy.
What did the terrorist do when New York didn’t want his food:
Here comes the airplane.
There was a kidnapping, but he woke up.
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
Because he wanted to be wanted.
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
To buy a house.
Me: I just shot an orphan.
Mate: You can’t do that!
Me: What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Why does the Please Touch Museum sound like "police touch museum?"
Because they gotta watch out for the pedos.