Crime jokes
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
Why do I look nervous when I enter the church? Is it just because I'm the only one with the bomb?
Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.
Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.
What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.
What do you do if you see an Indian woman getting raped? Nothing, since raping is a normal everyday part of Indian culture.
The police officer in London, who used fake Covid rules to arrest a young woman, drive her more than 50 miles out of London in a hire car, murder her, and do whatever to her, has appealed against his Whole Life tariff.
He should be relieved it was only that! Could've been worse... could've married her!
Most people call it grave robbing...
I prefer to call it cryptocurrency.
Ms. Katie: I heard about a Vegan baby.
Mom: Here’s your Happy Meal.
Ms. Katie: That’s not vegan, did you trick me?
Kids: Yeah!
Ms. Katie: That’s it, little baby Jimmy, I’m giving you shaking baby syndrome!
Mom: Please don’t hurt my son.
*Ms. Katie shakes Jimmy*
Mom: I’m secretly a cop, and you are arrested.
I lost my job at the bank. Some lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her.
What does the school shooter do after he shoots a victim? He shoots more kids in them!
Q: How do you know it's time for bed at the Neverland Ranch? A: When the big hand touches the little hand.
Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson & Neil Armstrong? A: Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson f@ck$ little kids in the a$$!
Yo mama's so stupid, when thieves broke into her house and stole the TV, she chased after them shouting, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"
Why is 4/20 such an epic date?
Because it's weed day, Columbine, AND Hitler's birthday;)
What would you like as your last meal?
Fried chicken. Extra crispy.
How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true.
Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
What's Michael Jackson's favorite toy?
Wet 6-year-old balls.
I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.