My dad in 9/11; he was the best pilot.
Crime Jokes
What were my final words to Putin before I put a bullet through his head?
Answer: Putin, put out!
Jeffrey Dahmer was craving Five Guys before it became a restaurant!
What did the cannibal do after eating all the vegetables?
Sold the wheelchairs on eBay.
The emo kid's mom went to jail because the kid was hung.
Michael has canceled his upcoming dates. They were Tommy, age 9, and Bobby, 11.
I was digging a hole in my garden, then I found a treasure chest. I was so happy. I went to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging a hole.
Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"
Why do my parents not love me? Because I've fucked 12 dogs and 7 minors while they were watching!
I pushed a disabled kid into a fire and roared, "Hot wheels!"
Why can't orphans be criminals?
Because they're not wanted.
What do you call a gangster involved with anime? A Cuz-Player.
What do you call a terrorist that can fly?
A dart.
A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."
DARK ALERT********
A girl went to the doctor. The doctor said she had one year to live. She shot the doctor, and the judge gave her 15 years.
DARK ALERT********
How did the lesbian die? Homicide.
How did the gay man die? Homicide.
What did the hooker say when she found out the cash she was paid with for services rendered was counterfeit?
I've been raped!
Are you acid, cause I want to throw [you] at my face?
What did the terrorist do when New York didn’t want his food:
Here comes the airplane.
