I killed a homeless dude, now she's at the funeral home. 😭💔
You look like Megamind, drug dealer.
A Russian, a Brit, and a terrorist are in an air balloon.
First, the Russian says, "I dare to throw a stone down!" So he does that, but the others don't seem to be impressed. So the Brit says, "I dare to throw a brick down!" So again he does that, the Russian is impressed, but the terrorist laughs and says, "I dare to throw a bomb down!" So he does that and everybody can't believe what they have just seen. So a bit further, they land, and a shocked and afraid little boy comes running up to them. So they ask what happened, on which the little boy said, "I farted and my school exploded."
What did the priest say during the christening?
"So anyway, I started blasting!"
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Anybody relate?
If a kid doesn't take their nap, doesn't that mean they are resisting arrest?
Where's is the candy, sir???
Over there.
(kid steps in van)
I don't see any candy.
I saw some terrorists on Family Feud. It looked like they had three strikes!
Why did the terrorist not go undercover?
Because he blew it!
I burnt down an orphanage and then showed an orphan the orphanage that I burned down, and he loved it. Not really, though.
Why did the prostitute lose all her money?
Because she got f*cked.
Who are the best at bowling?
Terrorists, they always throw strikes.
I dumped the dead, disabled person's body into a dumpster full of rats.
What's the best part of a terrorist on Fourth of July?
The finale.
Who was the meanest man in the world?
He raped Helen Keller and threw her down a well, but not before cutting off her fingers so she couldn't yell for help.
I fared it. I ticked the orphan. He jiggled, he was burning, so I did it again.
What did the duck say to the drug dealer?
Gimme some of that quack!
Found this girl in Hawaii.
Put a stick up her ass and she said, "Ayi."
Kidnapper: Hey kid, your parents told me to pick you up.
Kid: Sir, this is an orphanage.
Kidnapper: ...
What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite restaurant?
Five Guys.
