Crime jokes
What is a pedophile's favorite dating site?
Kinder
What mental illness do terrorists suffer from?
Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED).
Pedophile: You dropped your candy.
Girl: Thanks!
Pedophile stares as she slowly bends over to pick up her candy.
Pedophile: It looks a bit dirty, do you wanna come back to my house and get a new one?
Girl: How far is your house?
Pedophile: It's that white one right over there.
Girl: You mean that van next to a dumpster?
Pedophile: Yep, it's that one.
Girl:.... Sure! :P
Audience:.........Dumbass girl.
How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
More than 9 because my basement's still dark.
So you know how sheets are always so tight at hotels?
Well I looked under the bed and there is a freaking room cleaner holding the sheets. All he says is "Don't ask or you shall die!"
I tried to stick to One Direction, but then they started to shoot the gay bar...
Why did the strawberry cry?
Her mom was in a jam.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.
A woman ran into a police station screaming, "Help, I have been graped!" The policeman said, "Do you mean raped?" The woman said, "No, there was a bunch of them!"
How do we know the Ancient Egyptians were into organized crime?
They were always using pyramid schemes!
How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?
By cutting off her fingers.
A shoplifter tried to rob a grocery store.
He was asked to give an "eggsplanation."
Child predators: "You're so six-y."
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.
Pedophiles smell good.
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles. Once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, the snail said, "I don't know, it all happened too fast!"
There were two peanuts walking down an alley. One was assaulted.
Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*
Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?
Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~
What's black and white and red all over?
A massacre at a funeral.
I've been looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer for the past two years.
But no one would do it.