Crime jokes
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
More than five because my basement is still dark.
It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.
Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!
Here is a dark joke for you guys... "Why do pornstars scream, "DADDY!" in their videos? Because they were child molested by their father!"
My teacher is a rapist.
Why did the orphan call Mr. Smith "daddy"? Because he put her in the vices and taught her a lesson about virginity.
What's the difference between Axne and a priest??
One waits till you're 13 to come on your face.
Two guys are captured by native Chinese. They give them two choices: 1. Death. 2. 他妈的
The first guy: What's 他妈的?
The Chinese: Fucking.
The first guy chooses death.
Second guy to himself: Well, I'll let these sick fucks fuck me. At least I'll be alive...
The Chinese: Come on, we don't have all day.
Second guy: I choose 他妈的.
The Chinese: Ok, 他妈的 to the death!
Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now.
Joker: Knock knock...
Batman: Who's there?
Joker: Not your parents!
What type of tape do kidnappers use?
Abduct-Tape.
Why did Rolf Harris meet underage kids?
To tie his kangaroo down, sport!
What does a priest and time have in common? They're both predators.
"He scratched his face up, detective. That did it."
"Did I do that?"
So, if being a paedophile is a career, then burying the bodies must be gardening.
I don’t like to tell school shooter jokes because they are usually aimed at a younger audience.
The only time rape jokes are funny is never.
What's the difference between a pizza and a guy you really hate?
One won't scream when you remove their meat.
What do you call a child predator and an illegal immigrant? Alien vs. Predator.
What's the difference between a mole and a priest?
One will till your 13 to put hairs on your face.
Me: punching a kid.
My FBI agent: You're adopted.