I had the WORST day ever. My ex was sent to the hospital from a gun, and I got my hunting license removed.
Crime Jokes
A Chinese drug dealer said to me, "Do you like my cocaine?"
I replied, "Not since he starred in Zulu."
A man comes into the pharmacy to get a flu shot. The pharmacy nurse prepares one of the shots. The man gets the shot, and the nurse cleans the shot area.
The next day, the man comes back and gets another shot. Before he paid, the nurse said, “Don’t you realize if you get another shot you may die from overdose?” The man said, “Don’t you realize if you don’t shut up I’ll give you a shot of lead?” The nurse got scared and quit her job.
The nurse was relaxing, looking for a vacation to book, when all of a sudden she hears an odd noise. It sounds like someone cocking a gun. The man was hiding behind the nurses bushes. “In return for you giving me shots, here are yours,” said the man as he was chuckling like a psycho. The man shot the nurse in the leg so she couldn’t escape, then he shot her left hand, which is the lady’s dominant hand, so she couldn’t call the cops. For the finishing move, the man curb stomped the fucking life out of her until her head was as flat as paper.
9 years later......
All along, this man, this psycho, escaped a mental hospital. He went on mass genocide, killing 20,000 people in just 3 years. This man is more than human, more than alien, more than god himself. It was Satan reborn.
What happened to the police that crossed the road?
They solved a murder involving the nut case.
What was the most famous skeleton detective in the world? Sherlock Bones!
Why do orphans play GTA 5?
To get wanted!
Why do orphans play GTA?
To make them feel wanted.
Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."
In jail, why is the white guy scarier than the black guy? Because the white guy actually did something.
How do you rape a girl?
By doing a tornado kick to your head since you stupid kids like rape jokes!
Me and my stepmom went into the forest.
I think I hid the body pretty well, but now I have to hide the gun.
What is a shark’s favorite TV show? Sea-S-I.
Why did the teacher get arrested?
He gave the orphan homework!
Teachers at a school shooting be like: damn it. That's the third one this week and it's only Monday.
You and me went up to stab your father. He was out, do not pout. They are coming after.
What’s the difference between Jesus and the toddler in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.
How many babies does it take to paint the walls red?
Depends how hard you throw them.
How do you break up blind people in a fight? Scream, "I put my money on the guy with the knife!"
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.
Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."
The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"
A pirate walks into a tavern with a pirate ship attached to his nutty wuttys. It's driving me nuts!
A troll proceeds to pull out a desert eagle and shoot the pirate in the face. He makes a poggers face and says, "Problem??"
