Crime jokes
I’d make a rape joke, but I don't wanna force that on you too.
I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say, “This boy always had a fat ass.”
Why did the robber take a shower before his robbery?
So he could make a clean getaway!
What are the best shooting ranges in America?
Schools.
"Prince, be honest, do you still love me?"
Why do orphans play GTA?
Because they want to be wanted.
When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a disco party. 🕺🕺🕺
What's orphans favorite game to play?
GTA5 because they want to be wanted!
What kind of shoes do pedophiles wear?
White Vans!
Me: I just shot an orphan.
Mate: You can’t do that!
Me: What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.
Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.
Hit 'em with the 1, 2, Jeffery Dahmer!
Hit'em with the Ted Bundy.
How to get quick cash:
Step 1: Kill a child's parents.
Step 2: Do foster care for them.
Step 3: Get paid for doing foster care.
It’s too bad G won’t be able to follow in Kobe’s footsteps and rape a hotel employee but not serve one minute in jail.
Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.
Have you seen the Woody Allen v Mia Farrow series on HBO? If you like details about child molestation without having to do it yourself, boy do I have the show for you!
When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid's Sketchers light up.
A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.
Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"
Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"
Priest: "Fuck the children."
Rabbi: "Do we have time?"
Priest: "There's always time for something like that."