Today was a really bad day. My mother-in-law was hit by a cab AND I lost my job as a cab driver!
Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?
Wrapped around that tree.
What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?
"Family strong, but not that strong."
My dad died in the 9/11 attack. He was a good pilot.
My grandpa died in 9/11. He crashed a plane.
Hey! My name is Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?
The last time I had flying lessons, I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
How did we know Princess Diana had dandruff?
'Cause the police found her Head and Shoulders on the dash.
Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."
How did the Apple and the emo fall off the tree at the same time?
Because Paul Walker crashed into it.
How are Kobe’s death and people in 9/11 the same? They both hit the ground really hard.
I don't understand the plane crash at 9/11. My dad was a great pilot!
Helicopter, helicopter, Kobe Bryant in my chopper, Sitting next to burning daughter, Lots of smoke and little laughter.
I don’t usually tell 9/11 jokes, they usually crash and burn.
A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where Saint Peter greets them, "Hello sisters, welcome to heaven. Before you enter, I must ask you all a question." He asks the first nun, "Have you ever touched a penis?" Well, she said, "Just once, with the tip of my little finger." "Ok, dip it in the holy water and you can enter." He repeats the question to the second nun. Well, she says, "I might of held one once." "Ok," says St. Peter, "wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter." Just then, there's a commotion down the line. One nun is trying to push in front of another. St. Peter says, "Sister Susan, there is no rush, you will get in." "That's fine," she replies, "but if I have to gargle that stuff, I want to get in before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it."
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere.
Your mama is so fat that when she was playing online, she crashed the whole server.
Q: Why can't pilots play Jenga?
A: Because they will just hit the Twin Towers.
I saw a helicopter on January 26, 2020. Then Kobe was on the news.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Malaysian Airlines Flight 303!
