Why can't people with Tourette's learn to drive?
Because they'll cause a car crash.
What did death say during a helicopter crash?
KOBE!
What's the difference in Japanese Kamikaze and 9/11?
There is none, they both go up in flames.
Kobe Bryant and 9/11 are two things I don't joke about because when I do, they tend to crash and burn.
Where did Kobe go after the helicopter crashed? Everywhere.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.
The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.
The son comes outside and steps on a crack.
The dad then dies in a car crash.
Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.
I was exploring the Dubai trophy factory when someone came crashing in. It was him, Pristiano Penaldo. He held the workers at gunpoint, forcing them to make him another plastic Mickey Mouse award or he will dive and sue them for assaulting him. Shame on you, pendu!
Levon Aronian's wife died in a car crash. That's wheelie unfortunate.
My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.
Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.
A guy bought an AMG and crashed it. Now he knows how the Mercedes bends.
I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.
And my driver's license got revoked too.
Are you the twin towers?
Because I want to crash inside of you.
Here comes the airplane.
9/11 happens the next day.
What does Kobe now have in common with his helicopter?
They both have torn rotators.
I don't like making Kobe jokes... they always crash and burn.
A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."
Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."
The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."
Person 1: Did you hear the joke bout 9/11?
Person 2: No, but it'll probably crash and burn.
Today was a really bad day. My mother-in-law was hit by a cab AND I lost my job as a cab driver!
