Cook jokes
Remember, children, when you're hungry at 3:00, cook forks for 10 minutes, ok?
What do you call an engineer that bakes? A BAKENEER!
What do you call it when you light a person in a wheelchair on fire?
Cooking the vegetables.
What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?
They don’t cook because they love eating out.
There's a new cooking programme on BBC1. The contestants are victims of domestic violence. It's called "Can't Cook... Right Hook."
Yo mama is so stupid it takes her an hour to cook minute rice.
How do you know when your vegetables are completely cooked?
The wheelchair rises to the top.
French fries weren't originally cooked in France. They were cooked in Greece.
Your Mom's Favorite Book, Chapter 1: How To Cook.
So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network.
The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can't cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can't f*ck."
Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?
Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.
Americans: I will cook the pizza.
Italians: I cooka de pizza!
Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!
Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.
Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!
Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.
Karien: That is so boring!
Daiana: Well just work with me please?
Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!
I respect woman’s choices... either she wants to cook first, then clean, or she wants to clean first, then cook.
What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler?
“Oh my god, put them back in the damn ovens! They’re so under-cooked they’re writing fucking diaries!”
What is the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg, but you can't beat your...
What does a woman do when she leaves the battered women's shelter?
"Cook my dinner, if she knows what's good for her."
Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms, all bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.
The first kingdom was quite rich and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons. The second kingdom was not so wealthy and sent only 10 knights, each with two squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner. The third kingdom was very poor and only sent one elderly knight with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight’s armor.
The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.
The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.
And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
Hello, I am back with more mind-blowing facts.
1. Why are cookies called cookies and bacon called bacon when you bake cookies and cook bacon?
2. If you tuck your shirt into your trousers and it is called tucking your shirt in, does that mean if your shirt is over your trousers, doesn't that mean it's called tucking your trousers into your shirt?
Women should have the right to choose whether they want to do cooking or cleaning first.