Cook jokes
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he knew how to cook up FRESH BEETS!
What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?
He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
Did you know that the first French fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
In a lesbian relationship, which feminazi cooks?
None, both carpet munchers eat out.
I like my humans like I like my chicken... Fully cooked.
The pie tasted weird today.
Then I realized that my mother likes cooking pie with human flesh from C town.
Why are orphans so skinny?
They never learned how to home cook.
"Hey, I heard you were a bit down—where's John?"
"He died."
"Oh, I'm so sorry, but I got you food."
(After they eat) "Hey, how did John taste seasoned and cooked?"
How did the chicken 🐔 feel after escaping the fry cook?
Clucky!
Why does the pancake team in baseball always win? Because they have the best batter.
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."
What happens when you hear about Mary Brittain beating a Thomas?
You cook spaghetti with his blood!
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
What's the difference between you and Hitler? At least he knows how to use an oven.
Why did the monster 🧟♀️ put the cook in a bowl?
He wanted a chef salad. 🥗😂
What's the difference between a baby and a cooked chicken?
Several hundred calories.
Why do an emo's parents not let them cook, because they are afraid they will cut themselves?
If WW3 starts, I do, in fact, belong in the kitchen.
Why is the day you do laundry, cook, clean, iron, and so on called a day off?