Conversation jokes

What did the left butt cheek say to the right?

"Trump 2020."

A drunk walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that douchebag a drink."

The bartender says, "You can't talk like that! This is a respectable establishment, I'm going to throw you out!"

The drunk says, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'd like to buy the lady a drink."

The bartender goes to where the woman is sitting and says, "The, ah, gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink, what will it be?"

She says, "Vinegar and water."

Me: Hi, my name is...

Bro: Hey guys! So who are you?

Me: Hey, stop dude!

Bro: How is it going, bro--

Me: SHUT UP!

Bro: Is that a gun?

Me: *Pointing at bro*

Bro: Dude, I'm...

Me: *BANG* *BANG*

Me: Finally, it's over.

Wife: Hi babe. Husband: Hey. Wife: Do you wanna? Husband: YES! Wife: Ok, make sure you have a towel to go to the beach. Husband: WHAT? You mean go to the beach? Wife: Yes, what did you think I meant? Husband: Oh, nothing, bye. Wife: Bye, see you there.

Stranger: Knock knock.

Person: Who's there?

Stranger: Sugma.

Person: Sugma who?

Stranger: Sugma balls, kid!

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Abajo.

Abajo who?

I have abajo of water with me.

Guess what?

Good guess.

I always talk to my taco before I eat it.

One time it said it was having a bad day and I asked what's wrong. He said I don't want to taco 'bout it!

I was talking to my old friend. They said, "We should hang out more!"

I said, "You mean we should ketchup?"

The past, the present, and the future were having an argument. It was tense.

Two mates walk into a bar.

Mate 1: "Shit! Look at that spider over there!"

Mate 2: "Whateverrrrrrr."

Mate 1: "No, seriously, it's bloody massive!"

Mate 2: "(Turns around) Shit, that's huge, I thought you were joking."

Mate 1: "No, I'm Fred King, Jo King's brother ;-)"

Stranger: Do you want a lollipop?

Kid: No, I hate lollipops, so yeah, and you are not my daddy.

What did the man say to his wife, wanna play?

What did the bus driver say to the car?

"What is your address?"

Me: What do we need from there? I have a few things to do before I head out to the store, and then I will be home to pick up the stuff.

Random person: What stuff? 🤨

Me: What?

The person: You said you’re going to pick up “the stuff”!!! What do you mean by that?!

Me: Colourful flamingo fart.

Dani: Hey, do you like rapists?

Tess: No!

Dani: Oh, well I'm a rapist!

Tess: Oh!

My friend asked me:

Friend: "How much is your body worth?"

Me: "1 million."

Friend: "1 million dollars?!"

Me: "No. 1 million kilograms."

Friend: "Oh."

A polar bear walks into a bar, asks the barman, “A pint of lager................. and a packet of crisps.”

The barman asks, “Why the large pause?”

I asked my mother about her mom.

She said she was in a better place. After that, I asked her where that place is. She didn't know, so I sent her to a better place.

Tooth 1: Hey, do you like my jokes?

Tooth 2: Yeah, but they're cracking me up.