Conversation jokes

A drunk walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that douchebag a drink."

The bartender says, "You can't talk like that! This is a respectable establishment, I'm going to throw you out!"

The drunk says, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'd like to buy the lady a drink."

The bartender goes to where the woman is sitting and says, "The, ah, gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink, what will it be?"

She says, "Vinegar and water."

Me: Hi, my name is...

Bro: Hey guys! So who are you?

Me: Hey, stop dude!

Bro: How is it going, bro--

Me: SHUT UP!

Bro: Is that a gun?

Me: *Pointing at bro*

Bro: Dude, I'm...

Me: *BANG* *BANG*

Me: Finally, it's over.

Wife: Hi babe. Husband: Hey. Wife: Do you wanna? Husband: YES! Wife: Ok, make sure you have a towel to go to the beach. Husband: WHAT? You mean go to the beach? Wife: Yes, what did you think I meant? Husband: Oh, nothing, bye. Wife: Bye, see you there.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Abajo.

Abajo who?

I have abajo of water with me.

Stranger: Knock knock.

Person: Who's there?

Stranger: Sugma.

Person: Sugma who?

Stranger: Sugma balls, kid!

I always talk to my taco before I eat it.

One time it said it was having a bad day and I asked what's wrong. He said I don't want to taco 'bout it!

I was talking to my old friend. They said, "We should hang out more!"

I said, "You mean we should ketchup?"

Stranger: Do you want a lollipop?

Kid: No, I hate lollipops, so yeah, and you are not my daddy.

What did the man say to his wife, wanna play?

Two mates walk into a bar.

Mate 1: "Shit! Look at that spider over there!"

Mate 2: "Whateverrrrrrr."

Mate 1: "No, seriously, it's bloody massive!"

Mate 2: "(Turns around) Shit, that's huge, I thought you were joking."

Mate 1: "No, I'm Fred King, Jo King's brother ;-)"

The past, the present, and the future were having an argument. It was tense.

What did the bus driver say to the car?

"What is your address?"

Me: What do we need from there? I have a few things to do before I head out to the store, and then I will be home to pick up the stuff.

Random person: What stuff? 🤨

Me: What?

The person: You said you’re going to pick up “the stuff”!!! What do you mean by that?!

Me: Colourful flamingo fart.

Dani: Hey, do you like rapists?

Tess: No!

Dani: Oh, well I'm a rapist!

Tess: Oh!

I asked my mother about her mom.

She said she was in a better place. After that, I asked her where that place is. She didn't know, so I sent her to a better place.

Person 1: Somebody farted.

Person 2: No, all I can smell is your breath.

Tooth 1: Hey, do you like my jokes?

Tooth 2: Yeah, but they're cracking me up.

One man said, "Do you need 20 bucks?"

The other said, "Do you have that many?"

My friend asked me:

Friend: "How much is your body worth?"

Me: "1 million."

Friend: "1 million dollars?!"

Me: "No. 1 million kilograms."

Friend: "Oh."

A guy walks up to me in the street and asks if you have to include the name of an animal in every sentence. I said only if it's relephant.

He says what about vegetables. I said not nesecelery.