So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. My first time in the air, my instructor informed me but he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane, and his buddy says "well did you jump?"the guy says yeah, a little at first.
One hat told another hat to stay behind, and he will go on a-head.
A DEPRESSED GUY WALKS INTO A BAR AND SAYS "CAN I GET SHOT".THE BARTENDER THEN SAYS "YOU MEAN CAN YOU GET A SHOT RIGHT?THE BARTENDER THEN SAYS "WELL..........WHAT DRINK WOULD YOU LIKE?THE DEPRESSED THEN RESPONDS WITH A "NO I REALLY WANT TO GET SHOT.
I told myself the other night after a long night at the bar that I should stop drinking. But why should I listen to a drunk who talks to himself?
"Just say no to drugs!" well, if i'm talking to my drugs, i probably already said yes
my friend: you really need to stop the sh jokes Me: But their not that long
The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her "Don't worry I used to work with kids."
billie: hi
me: you wanna hear a story?
billie: yes sure
me: once upon a time, i ran over your dog last night.
An American and an Asian walk into a bar. What are your names the bartender asks. The American says William Matthews. The Asian says Same Ting
A guy finds a genie...
He says, "I wish I was better at talking to women."
"Poof!" the genie says, "You're gay!"
2 old people sitting on a bench one turns to the other and says my butt fell asleep the other says yep i heard it snore a couple of times
Man asking waitress, " Pardon me miss may I ask you about the menu please?" Waitress, "It's none of your business about the men I please!"
A straight man and a gay man are talking, the straight man says, "I'm wanted in 2 states for murder." and the gay man replies with, "oh, that sucks. I'm wanted in 13 for existing."
i was talking to my friend and he said "I lost my virginity to a girl and then she stopped coming to school" and I said "probably because she was fired"
what did one twin tower say to the other? Be back I gotta catch a plane
Eric's mom asked to his son why his bag is heavy and if it is because of books. Eric replied "No, magazines"
Mom: Are you seriously gonna die Me : No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing i'll do
wha can you tella dog, but not your girlfriend..? come
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh.. I thought you saw inside the basement.."
"Wait, wha.."
"What?"
What did the math book say to the other math book?
Wanna hear my problems?
