Conversation jokes

What do you tell a depressed person?

Just hang in there!

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Lion 🦁.

Lion who?

Lion again, aren't you?

I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents at first."

Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...

My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"

Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.

Two men are walking down the street and see a dog licking its balls. One man says, "I wish I could do that." The other one says, "You can probably just pet him."

Two skeleton brothers are talking.

1st bro: "Hey, get up! You and do some exercise! You are so heavy, you weigh a ton!"

2nd bro: "A skele-TON :)"

James: I have a joke. Sex!

Ronny: I don't get it.

James: Exactly.

The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, "Honey put down the knife, we were only talking about getting a divorce."

My friends and I were talking about this really ugly girl at our school. For some reason, she had the same name as me.

What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person? "What's bringing you down?"

This is a joke to tell to someone with you or something. SOMEONE will laugh. Say: "This word isn't gonna be funny until I tell you, your probably not going to laugh." *your friend* "what's the word?" *you* "finger" *friend* *dies of laughter*. *note* it works better if you wiggle your finger or something before and not everyone laughs, so don't feel bad if they don't. Also, don't be surprised if you get put in jail for murder, because you're going to kill someone with this.

What did the North tower say to the south tower? "Sorry, can't talk, got to catch a plane."

I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."

Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox, and nobody raises an eyebrow.

Friend #1: "What's your favourite thing about trees?"

Friend #2: "Apples"

Me: "I can hang myself in them."

Night chat. #love you forever maybe until I die! 🌸

I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."

She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."

I told a joke and someone said, "no one asked." Then I said, "no one would care to even ask."

I just watched a 9/11 documentary on a plane. Man next to me said, "You know we're going to New York, right?" I told him I just wanna know what I got into.